Halloween used to be a tricky time for me, because of all the candy. I was always afraid I would overeat, gain weight and hate myself for it.
The aisles of colorful candy were hard for me to ignore, and my strategies for “managing” my candy intake became more elaborate each year.
If you’ve ever struggled with balancing holiday treats and Halloween candy, my story might sound familiar.
I transformed my mindset around candy—and you can too.
For years, I cycled through various strategies to avoid Halloween candy temptations:
I bought candy and tried not to eat it!!!
The tactic of not buying candy never worked as planned! I’d buy a stash and vow to leave it alone until Halloween. Inevitably, I’d sneak a piece here and there until I had to replenish it. I would constantly think about the candy and feel compelled to eat it.
I tried not buying candy at all.
My next strategy was to avoid buying it altogether. This strategy worked, because it was not in my house. I felt uncomfortable because I was avoiding dealing with candy. I wanted to feel comfortable with candy around AND not eat it all.
Avoiding Trick-or-Treaters was one of my interesting plans.
For years I would go to the gym on Halloween night to avoid being home when trick-or-treaters came by. If I got home while they were still out, I would hide in my bedroom and keep all the lights off. I feared Halloween for all of the wrong reasons.
Escaping to a Friend’s House
Some years. I would go to my friend’s house for the night to skip the candy stress. I thought if I just avoided the candy, I would be ok.
My husband LOVES to give out Halloween Candy.
I realized while I was dating my husband that he loves giving out Halloween candy to neighborhood kids.
Since he gave out candy and it was in the house, I realized I needed to come up with a different plan.
Next, when my daughter arrived, I knew it was time for a real change.
I found Intuitive Eating is the key component to heal my relationship with Halloween Candy.
Intuitive Eating showed me that food doesn’t have to be the enemy. I didn’t have to “manage” or “control” candy or any other foods. This idea was incredibly freeing, though it took some time to fully embrace.
Key Lessons in My Food Freedom Journey
There some components to help you understand how to use Intuitive Eating.
First, candy isn’t the enemy.
Realizing that there are no “bad” foods—even candy—was huge for me. Halloween candy wasn’t going to harm me, and I didn’t need to label it as something forbidden. When I take candy off of the “bad” list, it does not have power over me.
Second, fear and candy don’t have to go together.
Candy used to scare me because I feared losing control, gaining weight, or somehow “failing” my health goals. By letting go of these fears, I allowed myself to see candy as just candy. If I feel the fear, I focus on dealing with the fear NOT the candy.
Third, allowing myself to enjoy Halloween Candy.
Since I give myself permission to eat candy whenever I felt like it, removed its power over me. It was no longer a “special” or “forbidden” treat. It was just a choice, like any other. I have allowed myself to have candy throughout the year and it is not something special to be binged on at Halloween.
How you can begin your Own Journey Toward Candy Freedom???
If you’re working to make peace with candy (or any food), try these steps:
1. Challenge your thoughts about Halloween candy.
You can reflect on why candy feels scary.
Are you worried about weight gain?
Concerned about feeling out of control?
Do you fear “unhealthy” eating?
I like to notice the emotions and thoughts that come up and journal about them. Through the journalling process, I can determine what the feels really mean to me. Once I can see/feel the feelings and determine what I need, then candy is not all powerful.
2. Explore your beliefs around candy
What messages have you received about candy?
Do you associate it with guilt?
Question where these ideas came from and whether they still serve you.
As you explore your beliefs about candy you can see if they are true or not.
If you were approaching candy with kindness rather than fear, what would that look like? Remember, self-restriction doesn’t work in the long term. True balance means allowing yourself to have candy without guilt.
Is there a point where it does not taste good anymore?
You might find that, over time, candy becomes far less of a big deal.
Now, I happily give out candy to our neighborhood kids. When my daughter returns with her Halloween haul, I can share a piece without the slightest worry.
Candy is just another food, and Halloween is just one day.
If you’re tired of feeling out of control around candy, know that there’s hope. You, too, can find food freedom. By rethinking your relationship with candy, you can make Halloween (and every day) a little sweeter. 🎃🍬
It is time to end dieting as a New Year’s Resolution. I know that contradicts what you normally hear this time of year.
We have bought into the idea that we need to diet (restrict) come the first of the year. Start dieting and exercise are the top 2 resolutions AND the top 2 failed resolutions.
When we look at New Year’s resolutions, consider that there is this cultural norm, this really kind of shared idea, at least in the United States.
I have noticed every January the gym becomes packed with people starting their dieting. I also remember the diet facilities I attended would be packed with people come January 1.
Come March 1 it would be back to normal. I have read statistics that only 9% of people keep their New Year’s Resolution.
Why don’t New Year’s Resolutions work?
First, they’re based on what you think you should do. There is this socially accepted idea that at the beginning of the year you should have a resolution.
Second is they make you want what you don’t have. Focusing on what we don’t have (thinner body) and what we lack, then that’s what shows up is things that we don’t have and the things that we lack.
Third, New Year’s Resolutions are poorly worded and unattainable.
Lastly, resolutions look for an easy answer. It looks for just kind of what’s the simple thing or what’s the kind of “easy.” There is no easy way to make changes. Going on a diet is not easy and it is not long-term successful.
It is not surprising that dieting at the new year is the most common New Year’s Resolution. We overeat and indulge over the holidays and then “pay the price for it” by dieting come January 1. It is a process of feast and famine.
We were “bad” over the holidays and need to be “good” at the start of the year. This process engages us in the cycle of diet/restrict- binge/overeat- shame/feel bad about ourselves. We are setting ourselves up to eventually overeat.
A part of the problem is the diet industry itself.
The diet industry is a multibillion-dollar industry. I have read different statistics of the money they make, and it is $58 Billion and above and the money they make increases ever year.
The diet industry is a failed industry. They make money because we do not lose weight and keep it off. We have all bought into the idea that if we just found the right diet or did it correctly, we would be thin.
We think that we are not ok. We need to be “healthy” and that is only be being thinner. If we were thinner, we would be healthy, attractive, in partnership, and I could go on and on.
Over the long term 80 to 95% of diets fail whereby the person gains back the weight and then some. I and people I know have experienced exactly this.
We have learned that if we gain back the weight, which is a product of dieting (diet/binge/shame cycle) we need to find the next diet. We are told and tell ourselves it is our fault. We have taken on this shame message that we are at fault. Remember the diet industry makes money off us feeling bad and unworthy.
Here are some ideas for a different plan rather than dieting.
Listen to your body’s needs.
What is it your body wants? Using Intuitive Eating we focus on getting back in touch with your body and what it needs.
What is your body asking for? Is it asking for sleep? Is asking for water? Or is it time to take a walk, get some movement in? Is it time to have conversations and get some kind of camaraderie going on? Give your body what it needs.
Listen to your body’s physical hunger. Notice what it feels like to be physically hungry and satisfied. You might not know, yet, what it feels like to be gently hungry and satisfied.
The ideas about food, dieting and New Year’s Resolutions might be new for you. Just take them in. It might be hard to consider some or try all of the ideas presented here. Take a deep breath and see which idea you might like to look at first. You are worthy of being supported in this process and allow yourself to look at your relationship to dieting.
Surviving seems to be the goal over the holidays. Seeing if we can just make it through the holidays and get to the end is the goal.
Getting to the place of thriving over the holidays can seem unattainable. Thriving can seem unreachable, because of all we have come to believe we must DO each holiday season.
How about imaging thriving as the goal? What would that look like?
Slowing down.
Be Mindful.
Spend money in a reasonable manner.
Use your time in a way that is enlivening.
I have been imagining (and practicing) how I can thrive this holiday.
Let’s start by looking at how is stress and overwhelm is showing up for you.
Start by identifying what the overwhelm looks like.
Some helpful ways to connect with overwhelm is to journal and meditate. Get quiet to see how the stress and overwhelm are showing up for you.
Are you responding to others’ expectations of you?
You might be feeling the need to always say yes. Thinking this is tradition. This is “what we always do.” Expectations can be overwhelming.
Are you feeling scared about being around food?
Wondering how much food will there be? Will I eat too much? Will I be judged. Will I drink too much?
Are you feeling bad about your body and how you look.
Feeling afraid others will notice your size and comment on it or disapprove of it? Or you just do not feel comfortable in your own skin.
How is stress showing up in your body?
Stress can show up as sickness or feeling physically bad.
Are you feeling fearful of not having enough time or money.
Time and money are limited resources and this time of year we think we have more than we actually do.
Money can become a problem when we rely on credit cards to pay, and we go into debt. Time becomes a problem when we do not plan well and become reactive.
Next, make a plan to manage the stress.
A great technique is to ask yourself, “What is the stress and overwhelm trying to tell me?”
The feelings are informative and can provide a guidepost if you let it. Then sink into the question, “What do I really want?”
I recently became sick, and I asked my body what it was trying to tell me. I realized I was too overscheduled, and my body was saying I needed to rest more. The sickness MADE me have to rest and I did.
It can be helpful to plan to incorporate food into your holiday. Food can be a huge trigger this time of year.
A helpful strategy is to eat 3 meals a day. Eat what you normally eat. Don’t save up for the “big meal,” because this is a set up to restrict/binge/shame. When we do not eat regularly, our body thinks we are restricting, and it will lead you to crave food and overeat.
You might wonder if you need to say no to sugary treats?
Not allowing yourself to have sugary treats can set you up to binge. If you deny what you want ultimately when emotions show up, you will have less resolve to not eat the sugary foods. Instead of denying yourself, allow yourself to have what you want. When you are eating regular meals and allowing yourself treats, there is less likelihood that you will binge. If you do binge, forgive yourself and move on. Being stuck in anger and resentment about overeating will NEVER lead to a change in behavior.
Set limits on others AND yourself? Say no to what does not work for you.
This is the time of expectations other can have of us. What is it that you want to do? Do that!
Where is your NO to other people? What will you do, and won’t you do? I think it is a time to have more no’s than yes’. It is ok to say no to a past family tradition, if they are not what you want this year. Doing things for others because we think we have to leads to overwhelm and stress. Let’s do it differently this year.
Lastly, we tend to put expectations on ourselves. We think we need to bake, clean, buy, go out, etc. We think we need to maintain holiday traditions. Take a deep breath and determine if this still fits for you. Say no when you need to.
This holiday is an opportunity to thrive.
First, focus on what is right for you? Yes, you can be limited in the activities that you do. Time is a limited resource, use it wisely.
I have decided I want more rest and peace this holiday season. Being in front of the twinkling lights is thriving for me.
Second, coping strategies are really thriving strategies. Say no as you need to. Ask for what you want. Set your expectations on time and money. Eliminate the stressors. Take that internal check to see what stresses you and find a way to let go of the stressor.
Third, what is your reason for the season?
What is this holiday about for you?
What do you want to be, do, have after the holiday?
What do you want to come away with after the holiday? Focus on making this happen.
My desire for this holiday is to experience more peace, light, joy, and love. My plans for this holiday are designed to meet that desired goal.
Lastly, be intentional about this holiday to get all the goodness out of it.
If you look anywhere on the internet you will hear about the stress of the holidays. I wondered what you are think about stress over the holidays, so I asked.
I ran a survey asking:
Do you need strategies to support you with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season?
A whopping 86 percent said yes, they need strategies with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season. I was struck by how large the number was, 86%. It is not that you just have stress and overwhelm, but you do not know what to do about it!
That is a lot of people!
This stress and overwhelm can show up as:
Loneliness
Family drama
Money problems
Overeating
Normal routines are gone, due to the increased activities
Unreasonable expectations
Loneliness can be so devastating and unexpected at the holidays. There are movies and songs about being surrounded with others. What if you have been wronged by family members, they are not people you want to be with, or they simply live nowhere near you. You could be unhappy with people in your family, unwilling to see them, setting boundaries on them. Even with boundaries there can be loneliness. There is the expectation that we will want to be with family, but that might not be the case.
A strategy for loneliness is to be with someone. Who is someone you like or feel close to? Someone you might want to reach out and say hi to? Who is it you enjoy spending time with? Reach out to them. You might be surprised at their response.
Another strategy to curb loneliness is by spending time with a pet. This can be just the right opportunity to feel close without the expectations of others.
Family drama is very common. Do you feel you have to see family members you do not feel close to, do not feel connected to or maybe you just do not like them? There is the air of expectation that you want to be with people you are related. It is stressful and overwhelming to try to be around people you think you are supposed to be around.
A strategy to deal with family drama is to be gentle with yourself. You are the only one who knows what is right for you. When there is family drama it can be so helpful to set boundaries. If needed, say no to what you need to say no to. This is your life to live.
Money is a huge issue during the holidays. There are expectations we are supposed to buy things for others. You might feel the expectation to buy something out of your price range or you just don’t have the funds for it this year. That is super stressful.
A strategy is to focus on what you are grateful for. It quickly changes your heart and mindset to the positive. This will not bring you money, but it will change your attitude. Remember, there is no requirement that you need to buy things for others.
Overeating is another problem that leads to overwhelm and stress over the holidays. There are so many foods we do not have at other times of the year that are so inviting. We can either go all in and eat everything or say no I will not have any of it. This can become a feast or famine time of year. Often people decide to feast (overeat) during the holidays and famine (diet) at the new year. This leads to stress about weight, fullness, and self-loathing.
There are many strategies to deal with food in a productive way over the holidays.
First, notice what foods you really want and have them. Yummy foods are delicious and there are many seasonal items.
Second, go easy on yourself. There are so many emotions and mixed priorities during the holidays that stress increases.
Third, get support from people who do not focus on dieting. Get valuable tips and strategies to look at food differently. I would suggest that you join us in the Peace with Food over the holidays program (it is very affordable and supportive).
Normal routines are gone over the holidays. Travel, guests, and schedule changes create a different schedule than what you are used to. This increases stress in our bodies.
One strategy is to keep your bedtime routine as close to normal as possible. Good sleep is critical to end overeating and to keep stress and overwhelm down. This sounds like such a simple suggestion, but it really works!
Lastly, there are so many unreasonable expectations we put on ourselves or put on us by others. These expectations take us away from our needs and wants. Possibly you do not even know what you need or want.
A strategy is to take some time to determine what you want to do or be over the holidays and do that. In Peace with Food over the holidays program we talk about determining what you want to do. I call it a Holiday Bucket List. Determine what is right for you and do that. What is the most important thing for me to do?
The holidays are full of stress and overwhelm. Kim has an easy online course designed to fit into your busy schedule and give you some quick wins to feel peaceful during the holidays. Check out Peace with Food over the holidays program. It is a low-cost high value program with quick lessons to get you on track and keep you on track over the holidays.
I have many memories of struggling with food over the holidays.
When I was single, I feared having food (specifically candy) in the house. At Halloween time I would buy a bag of candy my thought was to use it on Halloween, but that never happened. I always ate it. It wasn’t that I just ate it. I ate it all and felt so ashamed. I was convinced that I could not stop.
I came up with a plan…
I would go to the gym on Halloween night. I don’t know if you have been to the gym on Halloween night- there are not many people there. I thought it was the only way that I could stop myself from overeating on candy. If I was not home to give out candy, they I would not have to buy the candy. It was my way of not binging on candy. It worked if I did not buy the candy.
When I returned home from the gym, I would sneak into the house, go upstairs, and watch television with the lights out so no one would knock on my door. I did not feel brave enough to tell them I had no candy, I wanted to avoid the whole scene.
I then married a man who loved to give out candy on Halloween. He bought the candy and did not open the bag before Halloween. On Halloween he ate few pieces and took the rest to the office to share with his co-workers.
I have learned that it is ok to have candy in the house and I do not have to be afraid of it. It does not call my name like it used to. I used to feel compelled to eat the candy or any sweets if it was in the house. My head would say, you know you are going to eat it, just do it. I was convinced that I had no control over candy.
I learned about Intuitive Eating.
It took me time and effort to feel freedom with candy. It is doable. We now have candy in the house, and it does not call to me. I do not think about it, and I have it when I want it. It is not a struggle anymore.
I have been creating my newest program Peace with Food Over the Holidays and have been looking at what does help to release the grip food and sweets can have on us. Interestingly, it is not all focused on how to manage food. Food is one of the many components that lead to peace with food.
In order to have Peace with Food Over the Holidays we need to look at:
Physical: How to look at food/candy differently. There are simple tweaks that can make you feel so much more successful.
Emotional- How to deal with emotions that surely come up over the holiday season.
Mental: Those thoughts about food can be overwhelming. Finding some tools to manage them is critical.
Lifestyle/Social: Learning how to say no and set boundaries is crucial.
Mindfulness: How can you get quiet with yourself when there are so many competing priorities AND you are not one of them?
Self-Love: What do you really need? If you were going to be loving to yourself, what would you do?
Notice that only one component is focused on the physical, which includes food! The reason why it feels so hard to put food in its place as nourishment is because we focus on food and generally it is on restricting food.
Food restriction does not work.
What works is bringing balance and synergy to all of the components. I will not lie to you; it does take effort to learn and practice this new way. It is worth it, and it does work.
As an end note…
I now happily give out candy to our neighbor kids. I do not feel afraid when my daughter brings home her Halloween candy. I have a piece and it is not a big deal.
Do you find you are already thinking about candy? It is front and center in the grocery stores. I have already heard stories of people buying candy in September and eating all of it.
This is your opportunity to look at this holiday season, which I lovingly call the Holiday Trifecta, differently. The holiday trifecta is the time between October 1 and January 1 where we can be tempted by food. This is 3 months of pressure, stress and overwhelm.
Here are some ways to handle food over the holiday season:
Don’t keep candy in the house?
Think you won’t overeat during a holiday meal and then despite your best intention you overeat to the point of feeling sick.
Plan to overeat this holiday and deal with it (weight gain) January 1 when you plan to go on your diet.
Plan to restrict your food intake over the holidays. Well, maybe not we all know how well that can work after the second week in October????.
The saying “failing to plan means you’re planning to fail” takes on a whole new meaning when we look at the holiday season. We think we will do it the RIGHT way (whatever that is) and not have problems with food.
The difficulty is the plan is around food not around all the areas that lead us to overeat. This is the season of the special foods, the one we do not have all year. The ones we wait all year for (hello Pumpkin Spiced Latte). We want a lot of the special food because we feel deprived of them the rest of the year.
This deprivation mimics when we are on a diet, and we say we can’t have something. We engage in diet type behavior all year when we don’t have these special foods and then at the holidays, we overeat them. One of my wins is to realize that we can have mashed potatoes anytime, it does not have to just be at Thanksgiving. Allowing the food when we want it makes it part of our normal routine.
To move through this time, it can be helpful to have a plan:
How will I address food?
How will I address my emotions?
How will I address my thoughts?
How will I address my social obligations, including family members?
How will I create peace?
How will I act in a loving way towards myself?
All the above questions lead to the overwhelm. This plan does not have to be vast, but it must be in the forefront of your mind.
There is a better way.
The starting spot can be answering the questions we addressed earlier. Make a conscious choice to make it a peaceful holiday season AND enjoy yourself.
