by KimMcLaughlin | Sep 6, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Self-Love
I often hear people say that all they want to do is lose weight and how different their life would be when they do lose that weight.
I find people are then focused on the future and what will be rather than what is. They will call themselves names or let others column names and underneath the shame builds. The shame is what ultimately leads to further binge eating in the future.
When you say “I need to lose weight” you’re saying that you’re not OK with yourself as you are.
Shame is a core root emotion in overeating.
Focusing on our weight is focusing on the external (your body). Instead focusing on the internal is the way to get more connected with yourself to understand your body and your food. Focusing on your weight is putting judgments on yourself that you do not like who you are.
Truthfully, your weight is not who you are.
I have often heard people say, I am just telling the truth about myself.
Accepting yourself as you are different than the subtle and not so subtle put downs of yourself.
All of those negative statements and thoughts hold you back from a life of peace with food.
It can be hard to think about loving yourself.
It also can be something you have never considered. Here are 4 techniques to help you love yourself and your body NOW…
First, keep clothing that fits.
I challenge you to look for the clothes that you are saving for when you lose weight. This can bring up a lot of feelings, so good easy on yourself. These old clothes can keep you stuck in that diet/binge/shame cycle.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about your clothes:
- Do I own items that fit?
- Do they look good on me?
- Do I like them?
- Are my clothes a reflection of me loving my body NOW?
I know it can be hard to love the body that you have when our society is so focused on looking differently than we look.
The process of acting lovingly towards your body is healing to your heart and mind.
Here are some ideas:
- Take a bath
- Walk down the street.
- Use some scented lotion.
- Affirm a healthy body.
See and affirm your body’s’ health. There are a lot of techniques out there to help guide you with affirmations and visualization.
Loving where you are at helps you continue that health in the future.
The whole concept of a health body has been hijacked by the weight loss industry ($58 billion industry).
The statement “I am looking for health”, can be code for I need to lose weight.
I recommend you disconnect “health” from your body size.
- What is a health body to you, without mentioning size?
- What does that body feel like and how does it work for you?
Truthfully, mindfulness is the best way to get become more loving of your body.
Finding your right way to be present in your body can be so tough, because we have been taught and encouraged to deny our bodies.
Being present in your body is the ultimate way to feed your soul and to feed your body. Practice mindfulness moment to moment with your breath.
In conclusion, being loving to your body sets you up for success.
This success shows up in feeling good about yourself and your body. Making the connection between your body and self-love is a crucial component to feeding your soul and nourishing your life.
In the end, practice one (or many) of the options above and focus on the value of loving yourself as you are right now. The value of this experience is profound!
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Aug 19, 2022 | Self-Love
It is commonly thought that self-esteem increases when we lose weight. Yes, you can lose weight and you might feel better about yourself because of that.
Is your weight your barometer about how you feel about yourself?
I know there is this euphoria that can come when you lose weight. AND I know that feeling lasts only a while, because it is not based on something that is not based on who you are. Is the size of your body who you really are?
Using weight loss to feel better about yourself is based on a fleeting idea. It is based on an external process.
To really increase your self-esteem, there needs to be a connection with how you feel about yourself, which is an internal process- NOT the number on the scale.
The truth is you should have self-esteem no matter what weight you are at.
Rather than having a goal of weight loss, how about a goal of increasing self-esteem?
What is self-esteem?
The dictionary says, “it’s confidence in one’s own worth, or abilities and self-respect. And it’s a sense of self-worth.”
Self-esteem and self-worth go together. It’s confidence in your own worth and your abilities. It’s a sense of self-respect.
Self-esteem is also how we feel about ourselves and our abilities. It affects how we manage our lives, and how easily we move through our lives. When self-esteem is high, life feels good:
- We know how to manage life.
- We know how to talk with somebody.
- We know how much we want to eat.
- We know which foods are in our best interest and feel good in our bodies.
Self-esteem really is a lot of components that kind of come together into making us feel happy.
What is high self-esteem?
If you can think of self-esteem on a 1 to 10 scale. We are shooting for 8,9,10 on our scale as high self-esteem, right in the middle would be 5 and the low end of self-esteem is 3,2 or 1.
Where do you fall on that self-esteem scale?
If you are noticing, you have high self-esteem- you can ask yourself:
- How did I get here?
- What have I been doing to get and keep my self-esteem this high?
- What have I done in the past to increase my self-esteem?
If you are in the midrange of self-esteem, ask yourself:
- What is going on?
- What got you here?
- Do I want to increase my self-esteem?
How can you increase your self-esteem if you notice it is low?
- First, notice what’s going on for you. How are you feeling about yourself? How lovable are you feeling? How accepting are you of yourself?
- Second determine if you want to increase your self-esteem?
- Third, consider what do you need to do or think or be to increase that self-esteem?
Focusing on weight loss is not the way to increase self-esteem. Although, focusing on increasing self-esteem leads you to feel more physically present which can lead to you moving your body more, eating foods that nourish and it can help you be a better intuitive eater.
Getting into action to increase self-esteem can be very helpful. Here are some strategies:
- The first strategy is to have more positive self-talk. Notice when you’re talking negative to yourself, when you’re beating yourself up, when you’re calling yourself names, when you’re calling yourself out, when you’re saying you’re bad. Increase your positive self-talk: I am kind, I am happy, I am love, I am lovable, I am worthy, I am confident, I am successful. Those are great positive self-talk strategies; I am and put in a word that is positive.
- The second strategy is let go of perfection. Perfection can be needing to be perfect around food, needing to eat a certain way, also let go of having to exercise in a certain way. Perfectionism can lead you to not feel good about yourself. We can never be perfect; it just doesn’t work. There’s always going to be a level of imperfection in all our lives. So, let’s acknowledge it. Let’s move beyond it. Let go of that pressure of perfection and call things good enough.
- The third strategy is to forgive yourself. Remember, we talked about not being perfect, forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for the things that you do that you think are wrong. We tend to beat ourselves up over perfection. And then we’re shaming ourselves. The antidote is forgiveness. Be gentler with yourself.
In the end, determine where you’re at with your self-esteem. Determine if you have been trying to use weight loss as a way to feel better about yourself (increase your self-esteem). Utilize one of these strategies to start increasing your self-esteem. I encourage you to get into action, I encourage you to make it your goal to increase your self-esteem.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Aug 2, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Emotions
Do you have Food Satisfaction after you eat?
Whether you are satisfied or not is very personal and individual: each person is different and has different requirements.
We have often learned to deny our satisfaction, especially when we have been following the diet culture.
In order to look at satisfaction better, let’s examine the definition of satisfaction:
- “Fulfillment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this.”
Can you imagine looking at food as a fulfillment of your wishes, expectations or needs?
Could you see yourself being ok with getting pleasure from food? Often the answer to these questions is NO. Why? We are not allowing ourselves to get pleasure from food.
Intuitive eating asks us to look at the ‘satisfaction factor.” Meaning we chose food because it is satisfying to us!
How radical is that?
Have you ever considered how to be more satisfied with food?
Increasing food satisfaction is a multipronged approach.
Consider some of the qualities you can use to determine food satisfaction:
- Texture: Is the food hard, smooth, crunchy?
- Smell: Is the food pleasant smelling?
- Sound: What is the sound when you bite into the food item?
- Temperature: Is the food hot, spicy, cold, frozen, or room temperature?
- Flavor: Is the food yummy, bland, awful, ok?
- Appearance: What does the food look like? Does it look appealing?
- Do you get full with this food?
- What are your surroundings? Appealing, attractive or bland?
We tend to discard the satisfaction factor, because we have been trained that if the food is appealing, yummy, filling: then it must be “bad” food.
Bad food is determined to be:
- High in calories
- Lots of fat.
- Too much salt.
- Full of sugar.
In order for food to be “good” food it is:
- Diet food
- Low calories
- Low in fat
- Fitts into whatever diet you are on.
To increase your food satisfaction further consider the following questions:
- Do you taste your food?
- Are you eating too fast?
- Have you eating when you are too hungry?
- Can you eat past enjoyment?
- Is there food enjoyment?
How can you increase your Food Satisfaction and Intuitive Eating?
First ask yourself, What do I really want to eat?
Next you can ou can look at the food qualities like:
- How will this food sound?
- Does the food look appealing?
- How does this food feel in my mouth?
- Do I want it to be hot or cold?
- What will my body feel when I am done eating this?
- Which emotions might show up after I am done?
Then start eating from gentle hunger. Be sure to enjoy your food
After you eat, reflect on the food/satiety.
- Did the food meet my needs?
- Am I satisfied?
- Did I end up not eating what I really wanted?
Satisfaction with food is one way out of overeating and into intuitive eating.
When you are satisfied with the food you feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Being present with feeling of food satisfaction is a gift you can give yourself.
Take some time today, focus on satisfaction with your food. See how it helps you get in touch with your body, so then you are not overeating.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She provides therapy to high achieving women in California.
Kim is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor.
She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Jul 23, 2022 | Holidays, Lifestyle, Self-Love
You would think since I am a public speaker AND a podcaster, speaking in public would not be a fear of mine. But it is!
I speak all the time with people one to one, in small to large groups, but speaking on stage can be tough.
I recently traveled by plane from Northern California to Grand Rapids Michigan. I had signed up a few years ago to attend a 4-day Speaker Intensive. I knew we would be learning about speaking on stage, writing our speech, and speaking on a large stage to an audience while being videotaped.
My fears were exacerbated by the amount of travel, being in a new city where I did not know anyone AND speaking on stage. I arrived a day early to be able to get used to the time change and get settled before the speaker conference started. On that day before the conference, I noticed my fear increasing leading to me not wanting to get out of bed. I thought over and over about speaking on stage and wondered why I spent good money to travel, stay in a hotel and attend the speaker conference. I noticed my anxiety was moving up from 1 to 2 to 3 building up to getting closer to a 10. I knew I either had to get out of this mindset or I would sabotage my ability to function at the speaker conference.
I am a psychotherapist by training, and I have seen and helped many people with their fears, anxiety, and panic. I was able to notice the fear and anxiety were turning into panic before I got anywhere near being on stage. I knew that I need to lower my panic before it got too high. I was really committed to the process of being on stage and getting that speaking video done.
I used some tried and true techniques that always work for me and my clients:
- Notice and name the fear.
I realized that my fear was not about speaking on stage, it was about being judged. I knew we were going to be videotaped and that meant the judgement could be eternal (me included).
I was also afraid since I was going out of my comfort zone. I was in a new city/state, with people I did not know and having to write and speak on stage.
- Decide to move through the fear.
I decided that I signed up for and paid for this trip and this conference and I was going to take full advantage of it. I had put on my bucket list I wanted to attend a live conference where I learned all of the ins and out of speaking on stage.
- It was ok to say I did not want to stay.
I gave myself an out, I could leave, if I wanted to. But I would have to leave that first day before the conference started. I was either going to be all in or all out.
- After moving through the fear, I needed to be all in.
Giving myself the out to leave, helped take the pressure off and I could commit to stay and be all in.
As I laid in bed that first day, I noticed my head chattering with lots of negativity. I knew if I did not get up and move around, I would keep focused on the negativity.
- Center myself as often as possible: pray and meditate.
I came back to my breath often. I came back inside of my body. When I focus in my body and on my breath, I calm down.
- Eat good nourishing food.
After I got up out of bed, I went out and walked to Trader Joes and got my food for the week. I knew we would be in the conference 9am to 9pm and I wanted to have food that I usually eat, so I would feel my best.
I like coffee and noticed mid-morning my anxiety would increase and I saw that I needed to add more water to not focus on caffeine.
- Notice the thoughts and reframe them.
It is critical to notice what you are thinking. I had so many negative thoughts running through my head, which increased my anxiety and sense of panic. I noticed the thought and asked myself, “Is this true?” It never was true. The more I allow the negative thoughts in my head to bulldoze forward, the less effective I am in my life.
I was at a 4-day conference from 9-9 in a new city, a new bed, with new people. I knew it was critical to get the rest and sleep I needed to be really on my A game. It worked.
In the end, after the video was shot, I felt victorious. I congratulated myself for a job well done. I feel grateful to have tools to help me move through difficult and challenging experiences.
You might not be planning to speak on stage, but consider what is your metaphorical big stage that you feel afraid to go out on? Try out these techniques to see what works for you. I don’t want to let fear stop me from doing something important. I know that when I have an inner desire to do something, I need to listen. If the fear comes up, I need to address that fear.
Want to watch my talk? Click here to see it.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Jul 12, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Holidays, Lifestyle, Self-Love
When my daughter was in preschool, she came home with a paper listing 100 items for a “Summer Bucket List.” The paper proclaimed it had 100 fun things to do before summer kicks the bucket.
This list had many items on it that were associated with summer:
- Swim until dark.
- Walk on the beach.
- Have breakfast for dinner.
I had heard of a bucket list as being kind of morbid related to what you want to do before you die. It had never occurred to me that it could be expanded to a list you want to do over the summer.
I looked at that list for a while and decide to make my own Summer Bucket List for me and my family. Now each summer we discuss what activities we want to do. I have learned that the only way to get these kinds of activities on the calendar is to write them down AND put them in the calendar. What is not on the calendar does not seem to get done.
I like the idea and opportunity this gives us to be creative and ask for what we want over the summer. This list is fluid and can expand or contract as needed.
This Summer Bucket List is so fun and gets me and my family really thinking about what we each want over the summer.
I love the Summer Bucket List, because it does not require you to spend any money, unless you want to.
What do you REALLY want to do this summer?
Each summer I ask clients what they have planned for the summer. Often, they say they do not have much planned. Planning to do something fun IS self-care. The summer is the best time to focus on you and what you want.
I find it is a time of connection with my family, too, to hear what they want to do over the summer. Sometimes the plans are as a family and sometimes the plans are alone or with others.
This summer is a great opportunity to put yourself first and make that list. Have you thought about what fun activities you can do over this summer?
This summer put yourself first on the list.
Here are some strategies to start your Summer Bucket List. I suggest you spend 15-30 minutes contemplating the below questions.
- What do you like to do AND have not done in a while?
- What did you like to do as a child during the summer?
- What have never done, but really want to do.
- What have you been afraid to do but really want to do?
- What would give you pleasure?
- Use the Summer Bucket List to keep track of what you plan to do.
- First write down what you plan to do over the summer.
- Set up dates in your calendar to do them.
- Cross them off when you accomplished them.
- Remember to keep extra spaces on your list to add through the summer.
Enjoying the summer season is just good for you.
Join me this summer and create your Summer Bucket List (download here). Join me in the Feed Your Soul Community Facebook Group where we will support each other to make AND use our Summer Bucket List. Being in community can be the best way to get inspiration and accountability to get your self-care moving forward.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
