Thrive this holiday season

Thrive this holiday season

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Surviving seems to be the goal over the holidays. Seeing if we can just make it through the holidays and get to the end is the goal.

Getting to the place of thriving over the holidays can seem unattainable. Thriving can seem unreachable, because of all we have come to believe we must DO each holiday season.

How about imaging thriving as the goal? What would that look like?

  • Slowing down.
  • Be Mindful.
  • Spend money in a reasonable manner.
  • Use your time in a way that is enlivening.

I have been imagining (and practicing) how I can thrive this holiday.

Let’s start by looking at how is stress and overwhelm is showing up for you.

  • Start by identifying what the overwhelm looks like.

Some helpful ways to connect with overwhelm is to journal and meditate. Get quiet to see how the stress and overwhelm are showing up for you.

  • Are you responding to others’ expectations of you?

You might be feeling the need to always say yes. Thinking this is tradition. This is “what we always do.” Expectations can be overwhelming.

  • Are you feeling scared about being around food?

Wondering how much food will there be? Will I eat too much? Will I be judged. Will I drink too much?

  • Are you feeling bad about your body and how you look.

Feeling afraid others will notice your size and comment on it or disapprove of it? Or you just do not feel comfortable in your own skin.

  • How is stress showing up in your body?

Stress can show up as sickness or feeling physically bad.

  • Are you feeling fearful of not having enough time or money.

Time and money are limited resources and this time of year we think we have more than we actually do.

Money can become a problem when we rely on credit cards to pay, and we go into debt. Time becomes a problem when we do not plan well and become reactive.

Next, make a plan to manage the stress.

  • A great technique is to ask yourself, “What is the stress and overwhelm trying to tell me?”

The feelings are informative and can provide a guidepost if you let it. Then sink into the question, “What do I really want?”

I recently became sick, and I asked my body what it was trying to tell me. I realized I was too overscheduled, and my body was saying I needed to rest more. The sickness MADE me have to rest and I did.

  • It can be helpful to plan to incorporate food into your holiday. Food can be a huge trigger this time of year.

A helpful strategy is to eat 3 meals a day. Eat what you normally eat. Don’t save up for the “big meal,” because this is a set up to restrict/binge/shame. When we do not eat regularly, our body thinks we are restricting, and it will lead you to crave food and overeat.

  • You might wonder if you need to say no to sugary treats?

Not allowing yourself to have sugary treats can set you up to binge. If you deny what you want ultimately when emotions show up, you will have less resolve to not eat the sugary foods. Instead of denying yourself, allow yourself to have what you want. When you are eating regular meals and allowing yourself treats, there is less likelihood that you will binge. If you do binge, forgive yourself and move on. Being stuck in anger and resentment about overeating will NEVER lead to a change in behavior.

  • Set limits on others AND yourself? Say no to what does not work for you.

This is the time of expectations other can have of us. What is it that you want to do? Do that!

Where is your NO to other people? What will you do, and won’t you do? I think it is a time to have more no’s than yes’. It is ok to say no to a past family tradition, if they are not what you want this year. Doing things for others because we think we have to leads to overwhelm and stress. Let’s do it differently this year.

Lastly, we tend to put expectations on ourselves. We think we need to bake, clean, buy, go out, etc. We think we need to maintain holiday traditions. Take a deep breath and determine if this still fits for you. Say no when you need to.

This holiday is an opportunity to thrive.

First, focus on what is right for you? Yes, you can be limited in the activities that you do. Time is a limited resource, use it wisely.

I have decided I want more rest and peace this holiday season.  Being in front of the twinkling lights is thriving for me.

Second, coping strategies are really thriving strategies. Say no as you need to. Ask for what you want. Set your expectations on time and money.  Eliminate the stressors. Take that internal check to see what stresses you and find a way to let go of the stressor.

Third, what is your reason for the season?

  • What is this holiday about for you?
  • What do you want to be, do, have after the holiday?
  • What do you want to come away with after the holiday? Focus on making this happen.

My desire for this holiday is to experience more peace, light, joy, and love. My plans for this holiday are designed to meet that desired goal.

Lastly, be intentional about this holiday to get all the goodness out of it.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

5 Tips to Avoid Stress over the Holidays

5 Tips to Avoid Stress over the Holidays

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If you look anywhere on the internet you will hear about the stress of the holidays. I wondered what you are think about stress over the holidays, so I asked.

I ran a survey asking:

Do you need strategies to support you with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season?

A whopping 86 percent said yes, they need strategies with food and all the overwhelm this holiday season. I was struck by how large the number was, 86%. It is not that you just have stress and overwhelm, but you do not know what to do about it!

That is a lot of people!

This stress and overwhelm can show up as:

  • Loneliness
  • Family drama
  • Money problems
  • Overeating
  • Normal routines are gone, due to the increased activities
  • Unreasonable expectations

Loneliness can be so devastating and unexpected at the holidays. There are movies and songs about being surrounded with others. What if you have been wronged by family members, they are not people you want to be with, or they simply live nowhere near you. You could be unhappy with people in your family, unwilling to see them, setting boundaries on them. Even with boundaries there can be loneliness. There is the expectation that we will want to be with family, but that might not be the case.

A strategy for loneliness is to be with someone. Who is someone you like or feel close to? Someone you might want to reach out and say hi to? Who is it you enjoy spending time with? Reach out to them. You might be surprised at their response.

Another strategy to curb loneliness is by spending time with a pet. This can be just the right opportunity to feel close without the expectations of others.

Family drama is very common. Do you feel you have to see family members you do not feel close to, do not feel connected to or maybe you just do not like them? There is the air of expectation that you want to be with people you are related. It is stressful and overwhelming to try to be around people you think you are supposed to be around.

A strategy to deal with family drama is to be gentle with yourself. You are the only one who knows what is right for you. When there is family drama it can be so helpful to set boundaries. If needed, say no to what you need to say no to. This is your life to live.

Money is a huge issue during the holidays. There are expectations we are supposed to buy things for others. You might feel the expectation to buy something out of your price range or you just don’t have the funds for it this year. That is super stressful.

A strategy is to focus on what you are grateful for. It quickly changes your heart and mindset to the positive. This will not bring you money, but it will change your attitude. Remember, there is no requirement that you need to buy things for others.

Overeating is another problem that leads to overwhelm and stress over the holidays. There are so many foods we do not have at other times of the year that are so inviting. We can either go all in and eat everything or say no I will not have any of it. This can become a feast or famine time of year. Often people decide to feast (overeat) during the holidays and famine (diet) at the new year. This leads to stress about weight, fullness, and self-loathing.

There are many strategies to deal with food in a productive way over the holidays.

First, notice what foods you really want and have them. Yummy foods are delicious and there are many seasonal items.

Second, go easy on yourself. There are so many emotions and mixed priorities during the holidays that stress increases.

Third, get support from people who do not focus on dieting. Get valuable tips and strategies to look at food differently. I would suggest that you join us in the Peace with Food over the holidays program (it is very affordable and supportive).

Normal routines are gone over the holidays. Travel, guests, and schedule changes create a different schedule than what you are used to. This increases stress in our bodies.

One strategy is to keep your bedtime routine as close to normal as possible. Good sleep is critical to end overeating and to keep stress and overwhelm down. This sounds like such a simple suggestion, but it really works!

Lastly, there are so many unreasonable expectations we put on ourselves or put on us by others. These expectations take us away from our needs and wants. Possibly you do not even know what you need or want.

A strategy is to take some time to determine what you want to do or be over the holidays and do that. In Peace with Food over the holidays program we talk about determining what you want to do. I call it a Holiday Bucket List. Determine what is right for you and do that. What is the most important thing for me to do?

Peace with Food Over the Holidays:

The holidays are full of stress and overwhelm. Kim has an easy online course designed to fit into your busy schedule and give you some quick wins to feel peaceful during the holidays. Check out Peace with Food over the holidays program. It is a low-cost high value program with quick lessons to get you on track and keep you on track over the holidays.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

The Fear of Halloween Candy is Real

The Fear of Halloween Candy is Real

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I have many memories of struggling with food over the holidays.

When I was single, I feared having food (specifically candy) in the house. At Halloween time I would buy a bag of candy my thought was to use it on Halloween, but that never happened. I always ate it. It wasn’t that I just ate it. I ate it all and felt so ashamed. I was convinced that I could not stop.

I came up with a plan…

I would go to the gym on Halloween night. I don’t know if you have been to the gym on Halloween night- there are not many people there. I thought it was the only way that I could stop myself from overeating on candy. If I was not home to give out candy, they I would not have to buy the candy. It was my way of not binging on candy. It worked if I did not buy the candy.

When I returned home from the gym, I would sneak into the house, go upstairs, and watch television with the lights out so no one would knock on my door. I did not feel brave enough to tell them I had no candy, I wanted to avoid the whole scene.

I then married a man who loved to give out candy on Halloween. He bought the candy and did not open the bag before Halloween. On Halloween he ate few pieces and took the rest to the office to share with his co-workers.

I have learned that it is ok to have candy in the house and I do not have to be afraid of it. It does not call my name like it used to. I used to feel compelled to eat the candy or any sweets if it was in the house. My head would say, you know you are going to eat it, just do it. I was convinced that I had no control over candy.

I learned about Intuitive Eating.

It took me time and effort to feel freedom with candy. It is doable. We now have candy in the house, and it does not call to me. I do not think about it, and I have it when I want it. It is not a struggle anymore.

I have been creating my newest program Peace with Food Over the Holidays and have been looking at what does help to release the grip food and sweets can have on us. Interestingly, it is not all focused on how to manage food. Food is one of the many components that lead to peace with food.

In order to have Peace with Food Over the Holidays we need to look at:

  1. Physical: How to look at food/candy differently. There are simple tweaks that can make you feel so much more successful.
  2. Emotional- How to deal with emotions that surely come up over the holiday season.
  3. Mental: Those thoughts about food can be overwhelming. Finding some tools to manage them is critical.
  4. Lifestyle/Social: Learning how to say no and set boundaries is crucial.
  5. Mindfulness: How can you get quiet with yourself when there are so many competing priorities AND you are not one of them?
  6. Self-Love: What do you really need? If you were going to be loving to yourself, what would you do?

Notice that only one component is focused on the physical, which includes food! The reason why it feels so hard to put food in its place as nourishment is because we focus on food and generally it is on restricting food.

Food restriction does not work.  

What works is bringing balance and synergy to all of the components. I will not lie to you; it does take effort to learn and practice this new way. It is worth it, and it does work.

As an end note…

I now happily give out candy to our neighbor kids. I do not feel afraid when my daughter brings home her Halloween candy. I have a piece and it is not a big deal.

Do you wish this for yourself? It is possible!

Need support for food this holiday season?

Peace with Food: Holiday Edition is coming!!! This is a super affordable way ($29) to get peace with food this holiday season. Check it out here: https://go.feedyoursoulunlimited.com/holidaychallenge2022

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

Can you have peace with food this holiday season?

Can you have peace with food this holiday season?

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Do you find you are already thinking about candy? It is front and center in the grocery stores. I have already heard stories of people buying candy in September and eating all of it.

This is your opportunity to look at this holiday season, which I lovingly call the Holiday Trifecta, differently. The holiday trifecta is the time between October 1 and January 1 where we can be tempted by food. This is 3 months of pressure, stress and overwhelm.

Here are some ways to handle food over the holiday season:

  1. Don’t keep candy in the house?
  2. Think you won’t overeat during a holiday meal and then despite your best intention you overeat to the point of feeling sick.
  3. Plan to overeat this holiday and deal with it (weight gain) January 1 when you plan to go on your diet.
  4. Plan to restrict your food intake over the holidays. Well, maybe not we all know how well that can work after the second week in October????.

The saying “failing to plan means you’re planning to fail” takes on a whole new meaning when we look at the holiday season. We think we will do it the RIGHT way (whatever that is) and not have problems with food.

The difficulty is the plan is around food not around all the areas that lead us to overeat. This is the season of the special foods, the one we do not have all year. The ones we wait all year for (hello Pumpkin Spiced Latte). We want a lot of the special food because we feel deprived of them the rest of the year.

This deprivation mimics when we are on a diet, and we say we can’t have something. We engage in diet type behavior all year when we don’t have these special foods and then at the holidays, we overeat them. One of my wins is to realize that we can have mashed potatoes anytime, it does not have to just be at Thanksgiving. Allowing the food when we want it makes it part of our normal routine.

To move through this time, it can be helpful to have a plan:

  • How will I address food?
  • How will I address my emotions?
  • How will I address my thoughts?
  • How will I address my social obligations, including family members?
  • How will I create peace?
  • How will I act in a loving way towards myself?

All the above questions lead to the overwhelm. This plan does not have to be vast, but it must be in the forefront of your mind.

There is a better way.

The starting spot can be answering the questions we addressed earlier. Make a conscious choice to make it a peaceful holiday season AND enjoy yourself.

Need support for food this holiday season?

Peace with Food: Holiday Edition is coming!!! This is a super affordable way ($29) to get peace with food this holiday season. Check it out here: https://go.feedyoursoulunlimited.com/holidaychallenge2022

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

Solutions to End Emotional Eating

Solutions to End Emotional Eating

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Emotional eating is complicated. The diet industry would have you think that there a simple AND QUICK answer: dieting. If dieting would have worked people would not have to continue to look for the next best diet.

I get a lot of questions about emotional eating and overeating. Here are some of the most recent questions I have gotten.

“I cannot seem to quiet my mind for mindfulness practice. What can I do?”

Does your mind keep talking and talking to you? Saying, just eat that, just a little more.

You might try to actively stop it, and that doesn’t work.

You think you can’t be mindful, and you can’t seem to quiet your mind. That has to do with the thoughts that go on in your head, you can’t seem to quiet and also how to be more mindful.

The first thing I think of when we talk about mindfulness is meditation. Many people tell me they don’t know how to meditate. They think it’s a big struggle or a big hassle to meditate or they can’t find the time to meditate. Then they do not do it at all.

Meditation is that time to quiet your mind. It doesn’t have to take hours sitting in quiet with your hands in front of you and your eyes closed chanting, which I think is many people’s idea about meditation. Truthfully, meditation is simply closing your eyes and getting quiet.

There are many ways in meditation to focus on that quiet.

First, you can just close your eyes and just focus on breathing in and out. One technique is to literally say in your head, breathe in, breathe out as you actually breathe in and out. Your mind might start wandering off and thinking about things or worrying about stuff. I’ll just remind myself, okay, Kim, let’s come back to your breath, breathe in, breathe out. Just breathing in and breathing out. Noticing the breath is a really easy way to focus on meditation, it doesn’t have to be any harder than that.

Second, I recommend meditation apps that you can put on your phone. I love them because they give me hundreds of ways to meditate. I just flip through my app and see which one fits for me at that particular time. One that I like a lot is meditation where they just have a gong sound at every so often, and I’ll put it on for however many minutes I want to sit in the quiet.

Third, as you are in the quiet of your mind there will be thoughts that show up. I like to notice them and release them. Sometimes I will go down the rabbit hole of continuing with the thought and when I notice it, I quickly come back to focusing on my breath.

In meditation, it’s really about seeing what works for you. There’s no one way to do it.

Honestly, 100% of the time I feel better after I do some type of meditation and my mind is quieter.

The second question is “I feel frustrated that I can’t eat mindfully all the time. What can I do?”

I am not able to eat mindfully all the time, too. As I practice intuitive eating, I do it more and more often. Go easier on yourself, this is not a race where you have to do this immediately.

Being mindful with my eating is a process and it is a practice. It’s actually what they talk about with meditation as a meditation practice. This is really a mindfulness practice. What do we know about practice is we have to practice that. Just like basketball players have to practice their free throw shot, they have to practice, go into free throws, practice, and practice.

I love the affirmation:

I eat mindfully, more and more every day.

This change in your approach to food is a lifelong journey, we’re really running a marathon. This is not a sprint. There is no end.

The third question is “How do I accept my body when I do not think it looks okay?”

Do you think to yourself, how can I accept my body, it doesn’t look good? My body does not look the way it’s supposed to.

How is your body supposed to look?

We have been taught by the diet industry, models, magazines, television and our families that our bodies do not look right unless we are thin.

This is an opportunity to begin to think about your body differently, and have a different sense of your, your body and its purpose.

I love the affirmation:

I AM not my body.

Your body and your size are not WHO you are. The person you are is not your body size. It could be that your body is not allowing you to do the things you would like to do. That is a different statement. This requires a realistic look at what you can do and what you would like to do. Sometimes there is a grieving that our bodies do not perform in the way we would like them to do and that is a whole different conversation.

Accepting your body as it is, is a spiritual idea. Who am I really? What’s my purpose? And what am I here to do? Those are the bigger questions.

To be more in touch with myself, I like these affirmations:

  • I am not my body.
  • I am not, whatever shape my body is, is not me.
  • I am kind.
  • I am compassionate.
  • I am loving.
  • I am caring.
  • I love to laugh.

These affirmations are parts of me have nothing to do with my body. Those are all things that are positive about me, and they’re really who I am.

Nothing in my list has anything to do with my body size, my clothing size or the number on the scale.

I invite you to do to move out of the idea of not accepting your body and thinking there is something wrong with you and move into who you really are.

Start with the question I who am I? Take out your journal and write about this and see what comes up.

When I focus on those positives about who I really am, I feel better. I feel better about myself, and I feel better about my life. Then I come to the table differently and my intuitive eating is in alignment. Feeling good about yourself builds on itself.

The last question is, “I can’t come up with ways to take care of myself what can I do?”

It is pretty consistent that I get asked about self-care. Taking good care of yourself is often lacking.

One of the ways I like to introduce an idea of self-care is to star making a list of what you like to do. I have invited people to write down 100 things that you like to do. You might say, this is too hard to do. Let’s see how you can do this.

  • You can start making a list of things that you like to do.
  • They don’t have to be expensive or cost anything.
  • What did you used to do for fun?
  • What have you dreamed of doing?
  • What brings you joy?

It might feel challenging to do make your self-car list. To give you some ideas here are some of my self-care go-to’s.

  • I like to journal. I would love to journal more often.
  • I love to meditate. And it makes me feel good.
  • I like to be creative. I like to make things.
  • I like to go to the gym, and I’m at a gym that really fits for me.
  • I love going to the ocean.
  • I love listening to musicals.
  • I love going to the library.

Having my list of self-care is part of my overall wellness plan for myself. If you do not have a list, just start with one idea, because that will bring on other ideas. Write them down.

My other suggestion is to listen to what others do for fun and self-care. If you feel jealous about what they are doing, it probably means it needs to go on your list.

In conclusion, ending emotional eating has very little to do with food. We have become disconnected to our inner knowing about what we need. The inner knowing is how we start connecting to food as nourishment, our emotions, our thoughts and all the other components that make us ultimately experience overall wellness.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.