Eating disorders can be frustrating for loved ones to deal with.
Like schizophrenia and heart disease, eating disorders have a biological, psychological, and social component.
Biologically, each has a genetic component and can run in families.
Psychologically, they each are associated with other mental health factors.
Socially, each has a history of stigma and public oppression.
Without treatment, eating disorder symptoms, like schizophrenia and heart disease, can progress over time. Each can cause long-term physical and psychological damage, if they are not addressed.
Comorbidity (the presence of 2 or more conditions) exists between eating disorder and other mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder or ADHD. There is a similar comorbidity with schizophrenia and substance use disorders and depression. Also, heart disease can coexist with depression and anxiety.
Therefore, overlapping diagnoses make treatment complex, because it often involves addressing multiple interrelated mental and physical health issues.
We know environmental factors like stress, trauma, and lifestyle can intensify symptoms of both schizophrenia and heart disease.
Eating disorders are also heavily influenced by societal pressures, stress and trauma.
Societal factors like body image ideals or personal trauma can act as triggers for disordered eating, just as stress or lifestyles can exacerbate schizophrenia and heart disease.
Eating disorders, like schizophrenia and heart disease, are often misunderstood by the public.
People can view them (eating disorders, schizophrenia, and heart disease) as something the person brought on themselves and as a function of moral failing where they have not “tried hard enough” to get better. This stigma is in large part the reason people do not want to seek help.
Often people will say, “why can’t you just control yourself and your eating.”
Treating eating disorders often requires a multidisciplinary approach, including medical, psychological, and nutritional treatment. Similarly, management of schizophrenia or heart disease requires a combination of medication, mental health therapy, family and lifestyle changes.
Eating disorders, like schizophrenia and heart disease are treatable (there is hope) it needs understanding treatment providers to assist the person to get better.
Since Eating Disorders are so complicated, how can you support a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder?
First, you do not have to respond perfectly to your loved one with an eating disorder each time. Give yourself grace to not respond and forgive yourself for what you might have said and done in the past.
You are probably scared your loved one might die or be incapacitated. Your fear makes sense. It is hard to support someone who has an eating disorder, especially when you do not understand it.
I have talked to many loved ones who genuinely feel great love but feel frustrated that the person is not stopping their behavior. I empathize with your situation, and I can honestly say that letting go of your anger can be so helpful to you and your loved one.
Second, increase your constructive and positive communication skills.
This can be easier said than done when it is YOUR loved one that you must interact with. There are many communication skills that can help you.
Try to refrain from judgment.
Seek to understand where they are coming from. Move away from questions and comments that are shaming such as:
Why did you do that?
Why don’t you stop?
What is wrong with you?
Just eat.
Don’t eat.
Ask your loved one to help you understand where they are coming from. Let them tell you, not you tell them. A good question is, “I feel confused, can you help me understand.”
When we seek to understand, we can then begin to come from a place of empathy for their situation.
Another great communication skill is active listening, where you listen deeply to what they say. It can be hard to listen when you feel frustrated, and active listening can help decrease the frustration.
Third, seek support for yourself to understand how this is affecting you. It is hard to help someone who has an eating disorder. You have learned a lot from the world about food, weight, and the value of dieting, making it difficult to push aside the societal expectations.
Ask for referrals for a therapist or counselor who can support you in this process.
The professional will be able to help you understand your feelings, thoughts, and reactions. They will be there for you, because when we have a loved one with an eating disorder it seems all the focus is on them. You can also be suffering and deserve a place to feel better.
Fourth, encourage your loved one to seek qualified professional help: a therapist or counselor who is specially trained to work with people with eating disorders.
The suggestion to seek professional help should come from a place of love.
Tell them you love them and are concerned about them.
If the person is talking about the problem, you can suggest they might want to talk to a professional about it. This can be a slow process, and they might say no. That is ok, this is on their timetable, not yours.
If your loved one says no, I encourage a family member to contact a mental health counselor or therapist who specializes in eating disorders to consult. When I, as the therapist, get these types of calls from loved ones, I listen to their situation and give them some non-shaming language to use to encourage the person to make the call.
Fifth, seek out support groups that offer education about eating disorders. Group members can provide their personal experiences about how they handled situations that may spark ideas for you. You can feel isolated being around a loved one with an eating disorder, so seek out others who are trying to eat through an intuitive eating and body positive lens.
Balance between offering support and respecting the autonomy of a loved one with an eating disorder.
There are different ways to respond to a person with an eating disorder based on what the eating disorder is AND how it is affecting their lives. There can be situations where the person is truly in a life-or-death situation. In that instance, work with treatment professionals to determine boundaries to take appropriate and immediate action.
When the eating disorder is not an immediate life-or-death situation, it is important to determine:
The timing to offer support.
When you need to give the person the space to make their own decisions.
If you must set firm limits.
Determining when you offer support and when you respect their autonomy can be something you bring to your own mental health professional or treatment group.
In the end, I want anyone with an eating disorder reading this to know there is hope and there is help. Dealing with eating disorders is complicated and you might feel out of control. The first step can be to admit there is a problem and to ask for help
I know from experience your eating disorder can be treated. There is hope, there is help.
Halloween used to be a tricky time for me, because of all the candy. I was always afraid I would overeat, gain weight and hate myself for it.
The aisles of colorful candy were hard for me to ignore, and my strategies for “managing” my candy intake became more elaborate each year.
If you’ve ever struggled with balancing holiday treats and Halloween candy, my story might sound familiar.
I transformed my mindset around candy—and you can too.
For years, I cycled through various strategies to avoid Halloween candy temptations:
I bought candy and tried not to eat it!!!
The tactic of not buying candy never worked as planned! I’d buy a stash and vow to leave it alone until Halloween. Inevitably, I’d sneak a piece here and there until I had to replenish it. I would constantly think about the candy and feel compelled to eat it.
I tried not buying candy at all.
My next strategy was to avoid buying it altogether. This strategy worked, because it was not in my house. I felt uncomfortable because I was avoiding dealing with candy. I wanted to feel comfortable with candy around AND not eat it all.
Avoiding Trick-or-Treaters was one of my interesting plans.
For years I would go to the gym on Halloween night to avoid being home when trick-or-treaters came by. If I got home while they were still out, I would hide in my bedroom and keep all the lights off. I feared Halloween for all of the wrong reasons.
Escaping to a Friend’s House
Some years. I would go to my friend’s house for the night to skip the candy stress. I thought if I just avoided the candy, I would be ok.
My husband LOVES to give out Halloween Candy.
I realized while I was dating my husband that he loves giving out Halloween candy to neighborhood kids.
Since he gave out candy and it was in the house, I realized I needed to come up with a different plan.
Next, when my daughter arrived, I knew it was time for a real change.
I found Intuitive Eating is the key component to heal my relationship with Halloween Candy.
Intuitive Eating showed me that food doesn’t have to be the enemy. I didn’t have to “manage” or “control” candy or any other foods. This idea was incredibly freeing, though it took some time to fully embrace.
Key Lessons in My Food Freedom Journey
There some components to help you understand how to use Intuitive Eating.
First, candy isn’t the enemy.
Realizing that there are no “bad” foods—even candy—was huge for me. Halloween candy wasn’t going to harm me, and I didn’t need to label it as something forbidden. When I take candy off of the “bad” list, it does not have power over me.
Second, fear and candy don’t have to go together.
Candy used to scare me because I feared losing control, gaining weight, or somehow “failing” my health goals. By letting go of these fears, I allowed myself to see candy as just candy. If I feel the fear, I focus on dealing with the fear NOT the candy.
Third, allowing myself to enjoy Halloween Candy.
Since I give myself permission to eat candy whenever I felt like it, removed its power over me. It was no longer a “special” or “forbidden” treat. It was just a choice, like any other. I have allowed myself to have candy throughout the year and it is not something special to be binged on at Halloween.
How you can begin your Own Journey Toward Candy Freedom???
If you’re working to make peace with candy (or any food), try these steps:
1. Challenge your thoughts about Halloween candy.
You can reflect on why candy feels scary.
Are you worried about weight gain?
Concerned about feeling out of control?
Do you fear “unhealthy” eating?
I like to notice the emotions and thoughts that come up and journal about them. Through the journalling process, I can determine what the feels really mean to me. Once I can see/feel the feelings and determine what I need, then candy is not all powerful.
2. Explore your beliefs around candy
What messages have you received about candy?
Do you associate it with guilt?
Question where these ideas came from and whether they still serve you.
As you explore your beliefs about candy you can see if they are true or not.
If you were approaching candy with kindness rather than fear, what would that look like? Remember, self-restriction doesn’t work in the long term. True balance means allowing yourself to have candy without guilt.
Is there a point where it does not taste good anymore?
You might find that, over time, candy becomes far less of a big deal.
Now, I happily give out candy to our neighborhood kids. When my daughter returns with her Halloween haul, I can share a piece without the slightest worry.
Candy is just another food, and Halloween is just one day.
If you’re tired of feeling out of control around candy, know that there’s hope. You, too, can find food freedom. By rethinking your relationship with candy, you can make Halloween (and every day) a little sweeter. 🎃🍬
I mean the type of selfishness where you think about yourself more often.
Women often ask, “Am I being too selfish?” I ask them to tell me more about what they mean, they want to know is it ok to put their needs first.
Women have been taught to put their needs second to their partners, their boss, and their children.
Let’s break out of this mold and see what the whole self-care movement is all about and determine if we are REALLY being selfish.
What is Selfishness?
Selfishness typically refers to prioritizing one’s own needs and desires over others without considering their well-being or feelings.
It often involves acting out of self-interest at the expense of others, disregarding their boundaries or emotions.
Selfish behavior can lead to strained relationships, resentment, and a lack of empathy towards others.
What is so wrong about being selfish?
I think the problem with being selfish is we put our own needs over all the other people around us without consideration of their needs. Another term that fits for this is self-centered.
When we are selfish, it is all about ME!
This can be off putting and disrespectful of others. It can set them off to be mad at us for looking at only what we need without any regard to the others around us.
Selfishness indicates you are not having empathy for others and their situation.
You are attentive to your own thoughts and needs.
Women are praised for being nice.
Be a good girl, be nice.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care, on the other hand, is a practice of taking intentional actions to prioritize one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
It involves recognizing and meeting your own needs in a healthy and balanced way.
Self-care is rooted in self-compassion and acknowledges that taking care of yourself enables you to better support and care for others.
Engaging in self-care can enhance overall well-being, reduce stress, and promote a positive mindset.
What is so wrong about Self-Care?
Self-care is totally about you and your needs. There is a way to engage in self-care and not be off putting as you are when you are selfish.
Self-care can be considered for others, but that can come second.
I have a motto, if I am not good for me, it is not good for you. I mean this to say when I am engaging in my own self-care, I am helping you.
How am I helping others when I engage in self-care?
I am nicer to others when I engage in my own self-care.
I am much more fun to be around when I take care of myself.
I allow space for others to take care of themselves.
I have more positive thoughts and behaviors when I engage in self-care.
While selfishness focuses solely on personal gain without regard for others, self-care emphasizes the importance of nurturing oneself to show up as the best version for both oneself and others. It is about finding balance and making choices that prioritize your well-being while still considering the needs of those around you.
In your journey towards making peace with food and your body, it is essential to engage in self-care practices.
It might be new to you to engage in self-care.
Self-care can be nourishing to your mind, body, and soul. It takes consideration to determine what is actually self-care for YOU. I find everyone is different and requires something personal to them.
Here are some ways to help you move into more self-care:
Journal what selfishness means to you and what does self-care mean to me.
Practicing mindfulness.
Setting boundaries and let them know when the answer is NO!!!
Seeking support from loved ones or professionals.
Engaging in activities that bring you joy/fun.
Prioritizing rest and relaxation.
I find that self-care leads me to be a better person.
I find that I am nicer, calmer and more discerning when I am engaging in more self-care. I tend to take deeper breaths and can determine what is my best course of action. I noticed the other day that I felt irritated. I realized that it had been days since I had engaged in self-care and my irritation was showing. Here is what I did:
I noticed I felt irritated.
I checked in with myself to wonder why.
I noticed I had not engaged in self-care in over 5 days.
I asked myself what I needed NOW to get some self-care relief.
I found after I had the above conversation with myself,
I realized I needed to take a break from the group I had been with for many days.
I took a walk.
Took deep breaths.
Then I began some positive affirmations.
I then was able to feel calmer and more centered. Self-care worked!!!!
Self-care is not selfish; it is an act of self-love and empowerment.
When you take care of yourself, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself, your body, and improving your overall well-being.
Ultimately, you will be more present for yourself and those around you.
Determine what you can start doing RIGHT NOW to engage in more self-care. Then notice how you feel. If it is working, you will feel much better.
In the end, embrace self-care is an essential part of your journey towards finding peace and fulfillment.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist (Licensed in California 27667), Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
We live in a fast-paced world and many of us turn to food and overeating as a source of comfort during times of stress, sadness, boredom and loneliness.
Emotional eating is a common experience and can have profound effects on both our physical and emotional well-being.
However, when we delve deeper, we find that emotional eating often intersects with our spiritual journey.
Emotional eating’s intersection with spirituality reveals important insights about our inner selves and our quest for fulfillment.
What is Emotional Eating?
Emotional eating occurs when we use food to cope with our emotions and our lives rather than to satisfy physical hunger.
This can manifest as eating in response to stress, anxiety, depression, or even boredom/loneliness.
Occasional indulgence is a normal part of life, chronic emotional eating can lead to physical discomfort and may signal a deeper need for emotional and spiritual nourishment.
The Spiritual Dimension of Emotional Eating
From a spiritual perspective, emotional eating can be seen as a form of misalignment between our outer behaviors and our inner needs.
No matter what, our soul seeks balance, fulfillment, and connection.
Truthfully, when our needs are unmet, we may unconsciously turn to food as a substitute for the emotional and spiritual comfort we truly crave.
Without judgment, we can be mindful and observe our thoughts and feelings.
As we increase in mindfulness we can start to recognize when we are eating for emotional reasons rather than physical hunger.
Second, connect with your Inner Self.
Spiritual practices offer a gateway to connect with our deeper selves. Engaging in activities such as prayer, meditation, or spiritual reading can provide insight into our emotional needs and help us develop healthier coping mechanisms.
When we nourish our soul through these practices, we create a sense of inner peace and contentment that reduces the need for external comfort, including food.
Third, find fulfillment Beyond the Food.
True nourishment for the soul comes from addressing our core needs for love, purpose, and connection.
Furthermore, you could consider exploring activities that bring you joy and fulfillment like:
Creative expression
Meaningful relationships
Community involvement
By focusing on these sources of nourishment, we can reduce our reliance on food as a means of emotional comfort.
It is important to approach this path with compassion and self-kindness.
Emotional eating is not a moral failure, but a signal that we need to explore and address our emotional and spiritual needs.
In the end, be gentle with yourself as you navigate this path and recognize that healing is a gradual process.
Focus on practical tips for integrating spiritual practices into your daily life.
Set aside time each day for reflection or meditation. Even a few minutes can help center your thoughts and emotions.
Keep a journal to write out your thoughts and emotions. This can reveal insights into your triggers and help you be more mindful.
Seek out spiritual or support communities. Connecting with others on a similar journey can provide encouragement and shared wisdom.
Engage in activities that feed your soul. For example use walking on grass, forgiveness and gratefulness as a regular part of your spiritual practice.
Finally, by addressing emotional eating through the lens of spirituality, we open ourselves to a deeper understanding of our needs and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Remember, nourishing your soul is a journey of self-discovery and growth. Every step you take towards greater awareness is a step towards true well-being.
Do you find yourself constantly judging your body? Are you tired of feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by societal expectations?
You are not alone.
Many women struggle with body judgment, but the good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s explore some strategies to help you end body judgment and make peace with your body.
What is Body Judgment?
Body judgment is a learned behavior that stems from societal standards of beauty and perfection. From a young age, we are bombarded with messages about what our bodies should look like, leading us to internalize these ideals and constantly compare ourselves to them. This constant comparison fuels body judgment and creates a negative cycle that can be difficult to break.
The impact of Body Judgment is negative.
Body judgment takes a toll on you. Some ways body judgment shows up is:
Mental health (depression, anxiety)
Body (yo-yo dieting)
Self-esteem (feeling bad about yourself)
Overall well-being
Constantly criticizing and condemning your body leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and even disordered eating patterns. It hinders your ability to fully be present in your life and prevents you from embracing your true self. It’s time to break free from this destructive mindset.
You must shift your mindset about body judgment.
Challenge societal standards. Recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Begin questioning the unrealistic ideals presented by the media and challenge their influence on your perception of yourself.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Remember that nobody is perfect, and it’s okay (and normal!) to have imperfections.
Focus on what your body can do: Instead of fixating on appearance, shift your attention towards what your body can achieve. Celebrate its strength, resilience, and the amazing things it allows you to do. Even if you have some limited physical abilities, I challenge you to see what your body can do.
Cultivate a Positive Body Image.
First, surround yourself with positive influences. Follow social media accounts that promote body positivity and diversity. Listening to uplifting messages can help reshape your perception of bodies and beauty.
Second, engage in self-care activities. Take care of your body by engaging in activities that make you feel good. This could include movement, getting enough sleep, drinking more water, and nourishing yourself with nutritious foods.
Third, practice gratitude. Shift your focus from what you dislike about your body to what you appreciate about it. Each day, write down three things you are grateful for about your body.
Embrace Intuitive Eating as a form of Body Positivity.
Intuitive eating is a practice that involves listening to your body’s cues and honoring its needs. By adopting this approach, you can develop a more functional relationship with food and ultimately end the cycle of dieting and restriction.
Reject diet culture:Recognize that diets are unsustainable and can lead to disordered eating patterns. Instead, focus on nourishing your body with foods that make you feel good.
Tune into hunger and fullness cues:Pay attention to your body’s signals of hunger and fullness. Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re satisfied, allowing yourself to enjoy a variety of foods without guilt or judgment.
Find joy in movement:Engage in physical activity that brings you joy rather than exercising to change your appearance. Choose activities that make you feel good both mentally and physically.
Seek assistance to move out of Body Judgment.
Ending body judgment is not an overnight process, and it can be challenging to do it alone. Consider seeking support from professionals who specialize in intuitive eating, positive psychology, or mental health. They can provide guidance and tools tailored to your specific needs.
In the end, it is time to break free from the vicious cycle of body judgment. By shifting our perspective, cultivating a positive body image, embracing intuitive eating, and seeking support when needed, we can make peace with our bodies and live a life free from constant criticism. Remember, you deserve love and acceptance exactly as you are. Embrace your uniqueness and let go of the judgment. You deserve to feel confident and at peace with your body.
