Solutions to End Emotional Eating

Solutions to End Emotional Eating

by | Sep 19, 2022 | Emotional Eating

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Emotional eating is complicated. The diet industry would have you think that there a simple AND QUICK answer: dieting. If dieting would have worked people would not have to continue to look for the next best diet.

I get a lot of questions about emotional eating and overeating. Here are some of the most recent questions I have gotten.

“I cannot seem to quiet my mind for mindfulness practice. What can I do?”

Does your mind keep talking and talking to you? Saying, just eat that, just a little more.

You might try to actively stop it, and that doesn’t work.

You think you can’t be mindful, and you can’t seem to quiet your mind. That has to do with the thoughts that go on in your head, you can’t seem to quiet and also how to be more mindful.

The first thing I think of when we talk about mindfulness is meditation. Many people tell me they don’t know how to meditate. They think it’s a big struggle or a big hassle to meditate or they can’t find the time to meditate. Then they do not do it at all.

Meditation is that time to quiet your mind. It doesn’t have to take hours sitting in quiet with your hands in front of you and your eyes closed chanting, which I think is many people’s idea about meditation. Truthfully, meditation is simply closing your eyes and getting quiet.

There are many ways in meditation to focus on that quiet.

First, you can just close your eyes and just focus on breathing in and out. One technique is to literally say in your head, breathe in, breathe out as you actually breathe in and out. Your mind might start wandering off and thinking about things or worrying about stuff. I’ll just remind myself, okay, Kim, let’s come back to your breath, breathe in, breathe out. Just breathing in and breathing out. Noticing the breath is a really easy way to focus on meditation, it doesn’t have to be any harder than that.

Second, I recommend meditation apps that you can put on your phone. I love them because they give me hundreds of ways to meditate. I just flip through my app and see which one fits for me at that particular time. One that I like a lot is meditation where they just have a gong sound at every so often, and I’ll put it on for however many minutes I want to sit in the quiet.

Third, as you are in the quiet of your mind there will be thoughts that show up. I like to notice them and release them. Sometimes I will go down the rabbit hole of continuing with the thought and when I notice it, I quickly come back to focusing on my breath.

In meditation, it’s really about seeing what works for you. There’s no one way to do it.

Honestly, 100% of the time I feel better after I do some type of meditation and my mind is quieter.

The second question is “I feel frustrated that I can’t eat mindfully all the time. What can I do?”

I am not able to eat mindfully all the time, too. As I practice intuitive eating, I do it more and more often. Go easier on yourself, this is not a race where you have to do this immediately.

Being mindful with my eating is a process and it is a practice. It’s actually what they talk about with meditation as a meditation practice. This is really a mindfulness practice. What do we know about practice is we have to practice that. Just like basketball players have to practice their free throw shot, they have to practice, go into free throws, practice, and practice.

I love the affirmation:

I eat mindfully, more and more every day.

This change in your approach to food is a lifelong journey, we’re really running a marathon. This is not a sprint. There is no end.

The third question is “How do I accept my body when I do not think it looks okay?”

Do you think to yourself, how can I accept my body, it doesn’t look good? My body does not look the way it’s supposed to.

How is your body supposed to look?

We have been taught by the diet industry, models, magazines, television and our families that our bodies do not look right unless we are thin.

This is an opportunity to begin to think about your body differently, and have a different sense of your, your body and its purpose.

I love the affirmation:

I AM not my body.

Your body and your size are not WHO you are. The person you are is not your body size. It could be that your body is not allowing you to do the things you would like to do. That is a different statement. This requires a realistic look at what you can do and what you would like to do. Sometimes there is a grieving that our bodies do not perform in the way we would like them to do and that is a whole different conversation.

Accepting your body as it is, is a spiritual idea. Who am I really? What’s my purpose? And what am I here to do? Those are the bigger questions.

To be more in touch with myself, I like these affirmations:

  • I am not my body.
  • I am not, whatever shape my body is, is not me.
  • I am kind.
  • I am compassionate.
  • I am loving.
  • I am caring.
  • I love to laugh.

These affirmations are parts of me have nothing to do with my body. Those are all things that are positive about me, and they’re really who I am.

Nothing in my list has anything to do with my body size, my clothing size or the number on the scale.

I invite you to do to move out of the idea of not accepting your body and thinking there is something wrong with you and move into who you really are.

Start with the question I who am I? Take out your journal and write about this and see what comes up.

When I focus on those positives about who I really am, I feel better. I feel better about myself, and I feel better about my life. Then I come to the table differently and my intuitive eating is in alignment. Feeling good about yourself builds on itself.

The last question is, “I can’t come up with ways to take care of myself what can I do?”

It is pretty consistent that I get asked about self-care. Taking good care of yourself is often lacking.

One of the ways I like to introduce an idea of self-care is to star making a list of what you like to do. I have invited people to write down 100 things that you like to do. You might say, this is too hard to do. Let’s see how you can do this.

  • You can start making a list of things that you like to do.
  • They don’t have to be expensive or cost anything.
  • What did you used to do for fun?
  • What have you dreamed of doing?
  • What brings you joy?

It might feel challenging to do make your self-car list. To give you some ideas here are some of my self-care go-to’s.

  • I like to journal. I would love to journal more often.
  • I love to meditate. And it makes me feel good.
  • I like to be creative. I like to make things.
  • I like to go to the gym, and I’m at a gym that really fits for me.
  • I love going to the ocean.
  • I love listening to musicals.
  • I love going to the library.

Having my list of self-care is part of my overall wellness plan for myself. If you do not have a list, just start with one idea, because that will bring on other ideas. Write them down.

My other suggestion is to listen to what others do for fun and self-care. If you feel jealous about what they are doing, it probably means it needs to go on your list.

In conclusion, ending emotional eating has very little to do with food. We have become disconnected to our inner knowing about what we need. The inner knowing is how we start connecting to food as nourishment, our emotions, our thoughts and all the other components that make us ultimately experience overall wellness.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

Speaking of Fear

Speaking of Fear

by | Jul 23, 2022 | Holidays, Lifestyle, Self-Love

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

You would think since I am a public speaker AND a podcaster, speaking in public would not be a fear of mine. But it is!

I speak all the time with people one to one, in small to large groups, but speaking on stage can be tough.

I recently traveled by plane from Northern California to Grand Rapids Michigan. I had signed up a few years ago to attend a 4-day Speaker Intensive. I knew we would be learning about speaking on stage, writing our speech, and speaking on a large stage to an audience while being videotaped. 

My fears were exacerbated by the amount of travel, being in a new city where I did not know anyone AND speaking on stage. I arrived a day early to be able to get used to the time change and get settled before the speaker conference started. On that day before the conference, I noticed my fear increasing leading to me not wanting to get out of bed. I thought over and over about speaking on stage and wondered why I spent good money to travel, stay in a hotel and attend the speaker conference. I noticed my anxiety was moving up from 1 to 2 to 3 building up to getting closer to a 10. I knew I either had to get out of this mindset or I would sabotage my ability to function at the speaker conference.

I am a psychotherapist by training, and I have seen and helped many people with their fears, anxiety, and panic. I was able to notice the fear and anxiety were turning into panic before I got anywhere near being on stage. I knew that I need to lower my panic before it got too high. I was really committed to the process of being on stage and getting that speaking video done.

I used some tried and true techniques that always work for me and my clients: 

  • Notice and name the fear. 

I realized that my fear was not about speaking on stage, it was about being judged. I knew we were going to be videotaped and that meant the judgement could be eternal (me included).

I was also afraid since I was going out of my comfort zone. I was in a new city/state, with people I did not know and having to write and speak on stage. 

  • Decide to move through the fear.

I decided that I signed up for and paid for this trip and this conference and I was going to take full advantage of it. I had put on my bucket list I wanted to attend a live conference where I learned all of the ins and out of speaking on stage. 

  • It was ok to say I did not want to stay. 

I gave myself an out, I could leave, if I wanted to. But I would have to leave that first day before the conference started. I was either going to be all in or all out. 

  • After moving through the fear, I needed to be all in.

Giving myself the out to leave, helped take the pressure off and I could commit to stay and be all in.

  • Get up and move around.

As I laid in bed that first day, I noticed my head chattering with lots of negativity. I knew if I did not get up and move around, I would keep focused on the negativity. 

  • Center myself as often as possible: pray and meditate.

I came back to my breath often. I came back inside of my body. When I focus in my body and on my breath, I calm down. 

  • Eat good nourishing food.

After I got up out of bed, I went out and walked to Trader Joes and got my food for the week. I knew we would be in the conference 9am to 9pm and I wanted to have food that I usually eat, so I would feel my best. 

  • Drink lots of water.

I like coffee and noticed mid-morning my anxiety would increase and I saw that I needed to add more water to not focus on caffeine. 

  • Notice the thoughts and reframe them.

It is critical to notice what you are thinking. I had so many negative thoughts running through my head, which increased my anxiety and sense of panic. I noticed the thought and asked myself, “Is this true?” It never was true. The more I allow the negative thoughts in my head to bulldoze forward, the less effective I am in my life. 

  • Sleep and rest. 

I was at a 4-day conference from 9-9 in a new city, a new bed, with new people. I knew it was critical to get the rest and sleep I needed to be really on my A game. It worked. 

In the end, after the video was shot, I felt victorious. I congratulated myself for a job well done. I feel grateful to have tools to help me move through difficult and challenging experiences.  

You might not be planning to speak on stage, but consider what is your metaphorical big stage that you feel afraid to go out on? Try out these techniques to see what works for you. I don’t want to let fear stop me from doing something important. I know that when I have an inner desire to do something, I need to listen. If the fear comes up, I need to address that fear. 

Want to watch my talk? Click here to see it.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration. 

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms. 

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz. 

Summer Bucket List: Self-Care

Summer Bucket List: Self-Care

by | Jul 12, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Holidays, Lifestyle, Self-Love

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

When my daughter was in preschool, she came home with a paper listing 100 items for a “Summer Bucket List.” The paper proclaimed it had 100 fun things to do before summer kicks the bucket. 

This list had many items on it that were associated with summer: 

  1. Swim until dark. 
  2. Walk on the beach.  
  3. Have breakfast for dinner. 

I had heard of a bucket list as being kind of morbid related to what you want to do before you die. It had never occurred to me that it could be expanded to a list you want to do over the summer. 

I looked at that list for a while and decide to make my own Summer Bucket List for me and my family. Now each summer we discuss what activities we want to do. I have learned that the only way to get these kinds of activities on the calendar is to write them down AND put them in the calendar. What is not on the calendar does not seem to get done. 

I like the idea and opportunity this gives us to be creative and ask for what we want over the summer. This list is fluid and can expand or contract as needed. 

This Summer Bucket List is so fun and gets me and my family really thinking about what we each want over the summer. 

I love the Summer Bucket List, because it does not require you to spend any money, unless you want to.

What do you REALLY want to do this summer? 

Each summer I ask clients what they have planned for the summer. Often, they say they do not have much planned. Planning to do something fun IS self-care. The summer is the best time to focus on you and what you want. 

I find it is a time of connection with my family, too, to hear what they want to do over the summer. Sometimes the plans are as a family and sometimes the plans are alone or with others. 

 This summer is a great opportunity to put yourself first and make that list. Have you thought about what fun activities you can do over this summer?

This summer put yourself first on the list. 

Here are some strategies to start your Summer Bucket List. I suggest you spend 15-30 minutes contemplating the below questions.

  • What do you like to do AND have not done in a while?
  • What did you like to do as a child during the summer? 
  • What have never done, but really want to do.
  • What have you been afraid to do but really want to do?
  • What would give you pleasure? 
  • Use the Summer Bucket List to keep track of what you plan to do. 
  • First write down what you plan to do over the summer. 
  • Set up dates in your calendar to do them. 
  • Cross them off when you accomplished them. 
  • Remember to keep extra spaces on your list to add through the summer.

Enjoying the summer season is just good for you.

Join me this summer and create your Summer Bucket List (download here). Join me in the Feed Your Soul Community Facebook Group where we will support each other to make AND use our Summer Bucket List. Being in community can be the best way to get inspiration and accountability to get your self-care moving forward. 

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration. 

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms. 

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz. 

Increase your confidence: an interview with Ebony Moore, Confidence Coach

Increase your confidence: an interview with Ebony Moore, Confidence Coach

by | Jun 19, 2022 | Binge eating, Emotional Eating, Lifestyle, Podcast

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

I had the opportunity to have a conversation with Ebony Moore for the Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast about confidence. We had met earlier when I was a guest on her podcast BossWife.live.

Ebony talks about confidence through the lens of modeling. She started modeling when she was 12 and now owns a modeling studio.

She talks about starting at Barbizon one of the big top modeling studios. They liked her and wanted to work with her, but they had two options for her: 

  1. She could shave all her my hair off (she was a teen!). Because she always wears her hair towards her face, and she was told it makes her nose look bigger. 
  2. She could get a nose job (she was a teen!). 

Can you image being a teen and told you either needed to shave your hair or get a nose job? She chose neither and started modeling locally. As she started to model locally opportunities began to open in New York, Chicago, and Atlanta. This led to greater self-esteem. 

After getting married at 18 years old she started to have kids and her confidence “took this huge blow, because she had gained weight.” She says she felt like she was “nothing” and her whole identity was wrapped up in her size. 

Ebony acknowledges, “I definitely misplaced my identity, I didn’t lose it, I just misplaced it.” She gave up hope. 

“I felt like my body was just unacceptable, because when you’re not supposed to be overweight.”  Ebony Moore

She started to focus on getting up and getting herself ready and going out. Not staying isolated. Getting up and out helped move her into more confidence. But the change came when she changed her thoughts about herself. 

“It was definitely all mental.” Ebony Moore

Ebony saw how focused we can be on how our bodies look and we lose track of who we really are. We can tend to think who we are is the size and perception of our body.  

How do you move into feeling more confident? 

Start noticing others (ebony noticed it in her kids) experiencing joy in their bodies. 

“I wanted them to know, regardless of who you are, what you like, what your nose looks like, what your hair looks like, you are freaking amazing. Like nobody else in this world looks like you. Watching my children helped me to rebuild my confidence.”

Ebony Moore

Kids can have natural confidence that adults have lost. Ebony talks about noticing the confidence in her kids and the kids in her modeling studio. She saw that she had to give that confidence to herself and then to others. 

Mirror work as a method of confidence building.

In confidence building using the concept of reflecting can be powerful. Ebony does what she calls “mirror sessions” where it’s just you in the mirror. It’s just you, looking back at you. You kind of talk to that person who you used to be.  

Using the mirror to really look at yourself and be ok with yourself. 

Here is her method: 

  • First, get in front of the mirror.
  • Second, look at yourself without make up.
  • Third, look at every mole, every hair that’s out of place, every hair on your chin. What do you like about your ear lobes? Look at your skin, notice the color. 
  • Fourth, take a deep breath and appreciate the beauty of you.  

Love yourself the way you are because that’s who that’s what people are attracted to. People are attracted to you. 

Use mirror work to increase confidence? 

  • First, remind yourself of who you used to be. 
  • Second, imagine going back to being a child. Remember that child-like love for yourself? 
  • Third, what was it about yourself that you loved the most, whether it was your eyes, whether it was your hair, your nose, your lips, whatever your skin color, the shape of your face, that’s the person you need to remember. 
  • Lastly, fast forward to now, what has changed? Recognize that you are the same person. Reconnect with that love for yourself. 

Now that you have reconnected with your true self, ask yourself, “How do I need to be there for me today?” We know you will be there for everybody else. How you need me to be there for you?

We put out the caring for others, but how are you showing up for yourself? 

When we start looking at ourselves in this way we are moving beyond confidence into “Who am I?” This way of looking at ourselves becomes spiritual, and, and mindful. 

How do you increase confidence daily?

Ebony recommends you send yourself an automatic text message daily to encourage yourself. 

Some of her confidence texts are: 

  1. Ebony, how can I be here for you today? 
  2.  Ebony, I need you to be strong for me today. 
  3. Ebony. I need for you to go the extra mile for me today.

Ebony recommends you can open the text at various times of the day to bring yourself back into that place of confidence. 

Increased confidence is a game changer in life. Try some of her tips and let us know how it works in the comments below. 

Check out my recent podcast with Ebony Moore and learn more about her confidence coaching and modeling studio at: 

www.Bosswife.live

www.purposefulthinking360.com

www.enchantedreflectionsstudio.com

https://spreaker.page.link/pW9szrANrXs3Yc2E8

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ebony-moore-1ba58984/

 

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration. 

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms. 

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz. 

Intuitive Eating: We Need a Community

Intuitive Eating: We Need a Community

by | May 3, 2022 | Binge eating, Emotional Eating, Self-Love

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

True confession: I am an extrovert. I get my energy from being with others. I know many others who are not like me and are introverts and need time alone. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, there is a need for community. 

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has a few definitions of community: 

  • People with common interests.
  • Group of people with a common characteristic.
  • People with a common history.
  • People in a common location.
  • Social Activities where we have fellowship. 

Basically, people with something in common and who want to join together for a common reason.

Community and the Pandemic

The idea of community has expanded especially over the time of the pandemic. 

We were told to stay home, but what about community? 

How do we gather? 

It became tough to go out and even tougher to find places to go out to. 

As an extrovert, I found the isolation not as bad as I had thought. It gave me time to be quiet and introspective. My introverted friends were in heaven with the time alone. 

My gym started with posted workouts we could do at home alone. I was not too drawn to that. I go to the gym for the companionship/community and mostly motivation. To say I was excited when my gym decided to get us a physical workout in a safe way is an understatement. 

We had workouts in the rainy weather, in the cold mornings. 

We had meet ups in the park to do park workouts. 

We distanced at the gym and lots of other creative ways to workout in community. I found I needed my community. I cried when there were rumblings in our area that we would be on lock down again. I did not know how I could handle not being able to go to a workout. 

Everyone has stories showing the strong pull we have towards being in community. 

To be in community, we try to find: 

  1. People with a commonality to us.  
  2. People who will like us. 

Why do people join in community?

  1. To share new ideas, insights, suggestions, and lessons they’ve learned. 
  2. Brainstorm new ideas based on different information. 
  3. Ask and answer questions. 
  4. Collaborate, interact, and have conversations.  
  5. Learn from new people to the group/community. 
  6. Learn from people’s successes and failures.
  7. Get an idea or an answer. 
  8. Feel supported. To tell our story to others who can appreciate what we have been through. Talk to people who can empathize with what we have been through. 

Virtual vs In Person Community

Before the pandemic there were wonderings if we can be in real relationships when we are virtual. I think the pandemic showed we can be in community virtually and it can be satisfying. 

  1. Virtually you can target your areas of interest to find others like you.
  2. The other value to virtual you can find others at times that fit with your lifestyle. 
  3. In person there is the win of the physical connection. 

Overall, there are so many wins from being in community (virtual or in person).

  1. You get to determine your level of commitment and the more you are committed the more you can get back. 
  2. You meet new friends. 
  3. You learn new skills and get new ideas. 
  4. You get the support of the group.
  5. You join with like-minded people who are interested in the same things. 
  6. You get to speak up and be heard without judgment. 
  7. You contribute to the betterment of all. 
  8. Increase self-esteem- we are meant to be in community, in collaboration with others. 
  9. Can help you with difficult situations.  

When it comes to intuitive eating, we need a community.

In regular community there is a focus on weight loss, diet talk and fat shaming. With intuitive eating, we are looking for community focused on food peace and weight peace.  

I invite you to look at a community that supports eating intuitively, no focus on weight loss, no focus on the numbers on the scale and no focus on fat shaming. It is critical to be in a community that looks at you as a person not what you ate earlier. You need a place where like-minded people support you for you. 

How are you going to join in community?

I invite you to a few ways to get that support:

  1. Like the Feed Your Soul Community Facebook Group page. It is a free group of like-minded people who are focused on freedom with food. 
  2. Sign up for Emotional Eating Solutions where we have added a community component. You get to talk with others who are looking at food differently and feel that sense of community that we crave.
  3. Listen to my Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast for community inspiration.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Counselor, Speaker, Podcaster, and Inspirational Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration. 

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms. 

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.