I mean the type of selfishness where you think about yourself more often.
Women often ask, “Am I being too selfish?” I ask them to tell me more about what they mean, they want to know is it ok to put their needs first.
Women have been taught to put their needs second to their partners, their boss, and their children.
Let’s break out of this mold and see what the whole self-care movement is all about and determine if we are REALLY being selfish.
What is Selfishness?
Selfishness typically refers to prioritizing one’s own needs and desires over others without considering their well-being or feelings.
It often involves acting out of self-interest at the expense of others, disregarding their boundaries or emotions.
Selfish behavior can lead to strained relationships, resentment, and a lack of empathy towards others.
What is so wrong about being selfish?
I think the problem with being selfish is we put our own needs over all the other people around us without consideration of their needs. Another term that fits for this is self-centered.
When we are selfish, it is all about ME!
This can be off putting and disrespectful of others. It can set them off to be mad at us for looking at only what we need without any regard to the others around us.
Selfishness indicates you are not having empathy for others and their situation.
You are attentive to your own thoughts and needs.
Women are praised for being nice.
Be a good girl, be nice.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care, on the other hand, is a practice of taking intentional actions to prioritize one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
It involves recognizing and meeting your own needs in a healthy and balanced way.
Self-care is rooted in self-compassion and acknowledges that taking care of yourself enables you to better support and care for others.
Engaging in self-care can enhance overall well-being, reduce stress, and promote a positive mindset.
What is so wrong about Self-Care?
Self-care is totally about you and your needs. There is a way to engage in self-care and not be off putting as you are when you are selfish.
Self-care can be considered for others, but that can come second.
I have a motto, if I am not good for me, it is not good for you. I mean this to say when I am engaging in my own self-care, I am helping you.
How am I helping others when I engage in self-care?
I am nicer to others when I engage in my own self-care.
I am much more fun to be around when I take care of myself.
I allow space for others to take care of themselves.
I have more positive thoughts and behaviors when I engage in self-care.
While selfishness focuses solely on personal gain without regard for others, self-care emphasizes the importance of nurturing oneself to show up as the best version for both oneself and others. It is about finding balance and making choices that prioritize your well-being while still considering the needs of those around you.
In your journey towards making peace with food and your body, it is essential to engage in self-care practices.
It might be new to you to engage in self-care.
Self-care can be nourishing to your mind, body, and soul. It takes consideration to determine what is actually self-care for YOU. I find everyone is different and requires something personal to them.
Here are some ways to help you move into more self-care:
Journal what selfishness means to you and what does self-care mean to me.
Practicing mindfulness.
Setting boundaries and let them know when the answer is NO!!!
Seeking support from loved ones or professionals.
Engaging in activities that bring you joy/fun.
Prioritizing rest and relaxation.
I find that self-care leads me to be a better person.
I find that I am nicer, calmer and more discerning when I am engaging in more self-care. I tend to take deeper breaths and can determine what is my best course of action. I noticed the other day that I felt irritated. I realized that it had been days since I had engaged in self-care and my irritation was showing. Here is what I did:
I noticed I felt irritated.
I checked in with myself to wonder why.
I noticed I had not engaged in self-care in over 5 days.
I asked myself what I needed NOW to get some self-care relief.
I found after I had the above conversation with myself,
I realized I needed to take a break from the group I had been with for many days.
I took a walk.
Took deep breaths.
Then I began some positive affirmations.
I then was able to feel calmer and more centered. Self-care worked!!!!
Self-care is not selfish; it is an act of self-love and empowerment.
When you take care of yourself, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself, your body, and improving your overall well-being.
Ultimately, you will be more present for yourself and those around you.
Determine what you can start doing RIGHT NOW to engage in more self-care. Then notice how you feel. If it is working, you will feel much better.
In the end, embrace self-care is an essential part of your journey towards finding peace and fulfillment.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist (Licensed in California 27667), Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Taking care of our wellness is critical in achieving our goals and ensuring our well-being. As we embrace National Wellness Month, we are reminded of the importance of self-care and finding balance in our daily lives.
National Wellness Month offers a chance for individuals and organizations to focus on wellness goals and explore ways to enhance health and happiness. This is a time to create routines, make healthier choices, and practice self-care.
There are many ways to move into wellness. Here are three essential ideas to help you on your wellness journey.
First, start to prioritize Self-Care.
Self-care is crucial in enhancing our overall well-being, but it can be challenging to make time for it in our busy lives. Taking care of yourself helps to reduce stress, improve moods, and increase energy levels. Self-care can take many forms, and it is up to you to decide what works for you.
Start with asking yourself:
“What is my form of self-care?”
Your needs for self-care are different than other’s needs. Make self-care a priority by setting aside time each day (preferably) or week for activities that nourish your body and mind.
This week my daughter started back to school, and my schedule is now changing, and I am relooking at where self-care will fit into my day. I have begun a more regimented morning routine. I am focusing on some quiet time and fun time with my daily Wordle.
Second, see where you are with your nutrition.
The food we eat plays a vital role in our overall health and wellness. In intuitive eating we call it Gentle Nutrition.
What you eat influences how you feel and the energy you have during the day.
When I focus on intuitive eating, I am more centered in my body and what it needs. I make decisions about my food that is right for me and my body.
We have been taught over the years not to pay attention to what our bodies tell us to eat, but to look to an external force (diet) to tell us what our right food is. Limitations of types of food set us up to binge and overeat. Check inside and see what your right foods are.
By focusing on gentle nutrition, we can power our bodies and minds to achieve wellness.
Third, make movement a habit.
Exercise is crucial in enhancing our physical AND mental health. It can improve our cardiovascular health, reduce stress, and boost energy levels. I like to call it movement, since there is a cultural idea that exercise should be hard.
It can be challenging to move your body regularly, so start small. Consider taking a walk in the morning or evening or incorporating yoga or stretching into your daily routine.
I have found it is critical to find an activity that I enjoy. When I like the movement, I will do it more often and more regularly. I had read that weight training was good for the body and increases our body capacity as we age.
That sounded good to me.
Over the last year I have engaged in regular weightlifting, and I find I enjoy it, so I do it more often.
Movement is a not to be missed part of your wellness but find what your form of movement is.
In conclusion, National Wellness Month offers us a chance to focus on our wellness goals. It is a reminder that we must come first in our day.
Prioritizing self-care, focusing on nutrition, and making movement a habit are essential ideas to promote a wellness path.
Remember to take small steps each day and find what works for you. Achieving wellness is not an end point, but a journey towards wellness.
I encourage you to have this month be a reminder to embrace wellness in all its many forms.
You have probably heard that play is important. Truthfully playfulness IS self-care.
Engaging in play and fun activities are necessary for your overall mental and physical wellbeing. Not only will it help to reduce stress levels, but it can also improve the quality of life.
First, you need to determine what is playful AND self-care.
Determining what constitutes fun and self-care is a personal exploration, but here are three ideas to help guide you:
1.Experiment: Try different activities and observe how they make you feel. Do you feel rejuvenated after a yoga session or does painting bring out your inner joy?
What do others do that you have wondered about? Maybe there is some deep desire to try it out. Go ahead and experiment with this new form of play.
Remember, what works for others might not work for you, but then again, it might!
2.Self-reflection: Spend time thinking about what truly makes you happy. Self-care isn’t always about relaxation; sometimes, it can be about pursuing a passion or hobby that you love.
I encourage people to think back on what they used to like to do when they were younger. I LOVED being at the beach and swimming when I was younger. This is still my go-to fun/self-care activity.
3.Balance: Try to strike a balance between activities that are calming and those that are energizing. For instance, reading a book might relax you, while a dance class might invigorate you. The key to effective self-care is maintaining this balance.
Make your list a variety of calming and energizing experiences. This can match your self-care needs at different times.
Remember, there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to fun and self-care. It’s a personal journey that depends entirely on what makes you feel fulfilled, relaxed, and recharged at that time. Go ahead, explore, and discover what makes you feel enlivened!
Second, how do you make time for playful activities when life is so busy?
The answer is simple: start small and be consistent. Here are some tips to help you get started:
1.Make a list of what you like to do for fun. It might feel hard to determine what you like to do for fun, because it has been hard to even determine what you would like to do.
When our lives are out of balance with a long to-do list, thinking about play and self-care are low on the list (if they are even on the list).
I have a list of 100 items that are on my bucket list to do or try. I add to the list when there is something fun that comes to my attention.
2.Make a schedule and stick to it – set aside time each week for fun activities. It doesn’t matter how much time it is, even if it’s only 15 minutes. The important thing is that you make time for yourself.
I promise you have at least 15 minutes to engage in some fun activities.
3.Create mini-challenges throughout the day – challenge yourself to do something fun for a few minutes each day. This could be playing a game, listening to music, watching a movie, doing some yoga, or anything else that you enjoy!
When you begin to just add in play, it can become more natural to be in the mindset of increasing play.
4.Find support – reach out to friends and family members who are also trying to make time for play and self-care activities. You can join online communities or find a local group dedicated to play and fun activities (there are many meetups that focus on play).
This way, you can make sure that you have someone who is holding you accountable.
Lastly, why is it so critical to engage in more play for self-care?
Engaging in play and fun activities isn’t just an escape from your busy schedule, it also stimulates your mind in unique and innovative ways. Whether you’re painting, playing a board game, or gardening, these activities can spur creativity, and make a positive impact on your brain and enhance problem-solving skills.
This creative rejuvenation can prove beneficial in many areas of your life, including work and personal relationships. Not only do these activities provide immediate enjoyment, but they also contribute to your overall brain functioning and emotional support.
Take the time for yourself today and make sure that you’re taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. It’s important for our overall health that we make time for play and fun activities!
Remember: it’s okay to put yourself first — no matter how busy life gets. You deserve a break and the chance to play and have some fun. Take that step today and give yourself permission to enjoy life!
It will make all the difference in your overall wellbeing.
I’m calling this season SummerSoul, because I want to be more soulful this summer. A SummerSoul means you are refocusing on yourself and your needs and what makes you fully happy.
Summertime is often thought of as a carefree and relaxed season, but for many of us, it can be anything but those things. The warmer weather, school break, and family vacations and expectations can make it challenging to balance everything.
It’s easy to get caught up in the summer frenzy and forget about taking care of yourself and setting boundaries.
SummerSoul meants we are prioritizing self-care and boundaries during the summer months, which is crucial for maintaining your mental and physical well-being.
Let’s talk about HOW you can prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries during the SummerSoul.
First, schedule “Me Time” regularly this SummerSoul
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to schedule regular “me time.” It can be a walk by yourself, a relaxing bubble bath, or a night out with friends. SummerSoul means you are carving out time for yourself.
It can be easy to let your self-care fall by the wayside. You may feel guilty for taking time away from your obligations. However, caring for yourself should never be viewed as a selfish act. It’s essential to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Find a time that works for you AND schedule it on your calendar, just like you would with any other important obligation.
I have been using my Summer Bucket List to help me focus on what I want to prioritize this summer. I have been on my Stand-Up Paddle Board, going on a Ferry ride AND getting to the beach. *Get your Summer Bucket List here.
Second, establish boundaries with others.
Boundaries are crucial for maintaining your physical and emotional well-being. It’s easy to take on too much and neglect your boundaries. You may find yourself saying yes to everything, whether it’s a work obligation or a social event. While it’s great to be involved and active, saying yes to everything can lead to burnout and resentment.
Try to establish clear boundaries. Be honest with yourself and those around you about what you can and cannot handle. SummerSoul means you are saying yes to what you want and no to everything else.
I have been focusing on saying no when something does not fit for me. It is difficult, but I have been more satisfied with how I spend my time.
Third, plan ahead for YOUR SummerSoul.
Planning ahead can be a game-changer when it comes to balancing everything over the summer. Whether it’s meal planning, organizing your work schedule, or planning family activities, having a plan in place can alleviate stress and make things run more smoothly.
During the summer months, it’s crucial to plan ahead for childcare, work obligations, and family vacations. Take some time to set goals and create a plan that works for you and your family.
I have been putting in all of mine and my family’s activities on the calendar to make sure we get all the SummerSoul in that we can. I know what gets scheduled gets done!
Fourth, delegate responsibilities to others.
Recognize that you can’t do everything yourself. It’s okay to ask for help and delegate responsibilities like:
Asking your partner or kids to take on more household chores.
Requesting your boss to delegate work tasks to others.
Seeing if another parent can take over a volunteer task.
Freeing up some time and energy can make a world of difference. Delegation doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable; it means you’re a responsible and proactive individual who recognizes the importance of balance.
I asked my daughter to do more around the house, since she is out of school. This frees me up to do more for myself.
Fifth, stay present in the moment.
Finally, it’s crucial to stay present and enjoy the little moments during SummerSoul. While it’s essential to take care of yourself and set boundaries, it’s also important to enjoy the time with your family and friends.
Focus on being present and engaged in the moment, whether it’s watching your child’s baseball game or enjoying a family vacation. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, but taking a step back and appreciating the small moments is key to a happy and fulfilling summer.
Truly experiencing a SummerSoul can be challenging. However, prioritizing self-care and setting healthy boundaries are crucial for maintaining your physical and emotional well-being. Scheduling “me time,” establishing boundaries, planning ahead, delegating responsibilities, and staying present are all essential to achieve balance and reduce stress.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, but necessary for a happy and fulfilling life. By prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries, you can enjoy all that the SummerSoul season has to offer.
We talk even more about SummerSoul on the Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast. Have a listen to this episode here.
