by KimMcLaughlin | May 7, 2014 | Podcast
This year for Mother’s Day I decided I would ask for what I want. I was specific about the whole thing: where I want to go, what I want to do, and where I want to eat. I have morning, noon, and night mapped out. Normally I go with the flow and do not get so specific. I realized how much I was relying on my family to read my mind and figure out what I really wanted to do and I would sometimes be a little disappointed and resentful when plans weren’t what I thought they should be.
I decided I was not going to beat around the bush this year nor make little subtle suggestions; I was going to outright ask for what I wanted. I think sometimes we expect our partners, family members, or our children to know what we want. I have to remind myself that they cannot read my mind.
Do you ever really ask for what you want? I know that “no” is the response the other can give, but I decided it was important to at least ask specifically for what I wanted.
If you are a mother and have a specific idea about how you want to spend Mother’s Day, ask for it. You deserve to ask for what you want. If your mother, wife, or partner has not told you what she wants to do, ask her. She might surprise you with her answer.
Here’s to all the mothers. I plan to have a great day because I am going to do exactly what I want. What do you plan to do? I would love to hear what you have in store for Mother’s Day. Feel free to post it below.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Apr 1, 2014 | Podcast
So many people struggle with eating issues whether they are binge eaters, emotional eaters or not. This struggle begs the question, what is “normal eating?” Below is a good check list (given to me by Mary McCloy RN, LMFT) to see if you are a normal eater.
- Go to the table hungry and eat until satisfied.
- Eat nutritious foods, but don’t be restrictive.
- Eat 3 meals a day or 4-5 or eat all day long. You decide.
- Leave the food/table when you don’t want more.
- Food does not take up all of your time/energy, except when you are eating.
- You eat and then you are done. You don’t think about eating again until you are hungry.
I had never thought about how a “normal eater” eats. You might find there could be more added to this list or some you do not agree with. The point is that eating is very individual and normal is also individually interpreted. I do know that “normal eating” involves a lack of obsession and compulsion and a lack of constant vigilance. It is a process of nourishing your body. If this is tough for you to do, it could be time to seek support.
Are you or someone you know a “normal eater?” What are the signs you see in a normal eater?
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Mar 17, 2014 | Podcast
Do you find that when you ask someone how they are, they respond by saying they are stressed? You nod and silently agree with them. Life can be stressful. This stress can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety and depression. These uncomfortable feelings are very real and can lead to an increase in mindless overeating or eating to lessen the stress. This eating might feel good in the moment, but it can affect your weight and your overall sense of wellbeing.
There is a way out of this stress.
I like a technique used in the 12-step movement called H.A.L.T. Quite simply, H.A.L.T. is an acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. The root cause of overeating can often start with any of those feelings. Using the acronym we will explore how to look at our feelings.
First start with the letter H and ask yourself “Am I hungry?” This is the first question because the starting point to eating is asking the question “am I hungry.” You might be experiencing physical hunger which means you need to eat. If the answer is “I am not physically hungry,” then move to the next question to see what might be going on.
Secondly ask yourself “Am I angry?” If the answer is yes, this is the time to use some tools to help you get out your anger. Some tools I find helpful are talking to a supportive friend, taking a walk to clear my mind, or taking some time away from the charged situation.
The third question is “Am I lonely?” If the answer is yes, reflect on what might be leading to the loneliness. Perhaps it is sadness over your current life situation, or you do not feel nurtured by the people around you. If you can change the situation, perhaps that might be the best course of action. If you cannot change the situation, change your mind about it. Letting go of the situation’s power over you can be very effective by telling yourself “I let go of this situation.” I know this might sound simplistic, but it works
Lastly ask yourself “Am I tired?” If the answer is yes, REST. Sometimes situations are overwhelming because you have not gotten enough sleep or down time. Restoring yourself through sleep can be very curative when you are physically tired. You might wake with a whole different perspective.
Life can be stressful, that is for sure. But it does not have to be the reason to overeat. By gathering effective tools such as H.A.L.T. you are then prepared handle tough situations when they arise (because you know they will).
What tool do you use to stop you from overeating? Let us know below in the comments.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Feb 13, 2014 | Podcast
Do you find yourself taking care of others and feeling frustrated? Do you worry about how others are going to make it if you do not help them? Do you feel drained by how much you do for others?
If you answered yes to those questions, you might be a codependent. My definition of a codependent is when you take care of others at the expense of yourself. This topic was written about extensively by Melody Beattie in the book Codependent No More and if you want a real thorough look at the topic you should pick up the book.
I find there is a fine line between helping another and codependence. Here is a quick way to tell the difference: Codependence will leave you drained, frustrated and angry; while helping for helping sake will lead you to feel uplifted. Here are some other clues to see if you are codependent:
- You have resentment that the person you are helping should be doing more for themselves.
- You blame them for not being different, “after all that I have done.”
- You worry about others more than they worry about themselves.
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you might be engaging in codependence. If so, start by asking yourself the following questions when you consider taking care of someone else:
- What do I need?
- What is MY heart’s desire?
- How can I be helpful to another and not neglect myself in the process?
- What do I get out of being codependent?
These questions are important, because they can help you get back in touch with your needs and wants rather than focusing on what someone else needs and wants. Truthfully, you can only take care of yourself, not anyone else. During this process you might find you feel a strong pull to help the other person. Allow yourself to hold back and give the other person an opportunity to do it for themselves (even if it might lead to “failure”). There is a greater satisfaction completing a task (no matter the results) themselves as opposed to someone else doing it for them.
My motto is, “I have to be good to myself, so I can be helpful to another.” Is this selfish? I don’t think so. Is it emotionally healthy? I think yes. The lesson is to take care of myself and allow others to take care of themselves.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Jan 15, 2014 | Podcast
Every New Year’s I review what happened in the previous year and contemplate what I want for the rest of this year. I read that the 3rd week of January is when many people wane on their New Year’s resolutions. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but I do engage in a process of imagining what I want for the upcoming year and map out how I can get there.
When I consider what I want in the New Year, I look at things that are tangible (a new car), or a quality I want to embody (calmness). One method I use is to make a Vision Board, which is an artistic expression of what I want in the New Year. It is a kind of collage which is a collection of images and words that express my goals. The images and symbols keep the goals in my mind throughout the year in a fun and creative way.
In recent years I have focused on a phrase or word to guide me in upcoming year. The word that came to me one year was “Create.” From there I created my affirmation, “I create what I need.” An affirmation is a positive statement that I repeat to yourself as a positive intent.
If you are interested in making a Vision Map you can do it in many different ways. Here are some tips to get it together:
- Spend some time in quiet contemplation determining what you would like to see happen the next year. Is it a new job, new house, increase in money, or bringing more happiness into your life? If a word comes into your mind, consider putting that on your Vision Board.
- Get together some heavy paper in a size that fits for you. I used a large piece of poster board and cut it in half to the size of 11×18. Pull out some old magazines, scissors, and glue and get cutting.
- Cut out pictures and words that seem to speak to you. Don’t overthink it. Just use what seems to fit where you want to be at the end of this year.
- Organize and glue the pictures on the paper in a way that looks pleasing to you. We are not talking about artistic work here. If you are not an artist, all the better; just get the pictures and words on the paper. Don’t overthink this, just do.
- Hang the picture in a place where you can see it daily. I put mine in a private place where I can see it daily. Be conscious of who might see your Vision Board and determine if that is ok for you. This can be a very personal process and you might feel too exposed by having others see what you created. If they are judgmental, that is not helpful.
If you are tired of New Year’s Resolutions, try making a Vision Map. You can make one each January or at any point in the year when you want to start over. I find this creative expression of my year ahead is the right way to say Happy New Year.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
