by KimMcLaughlin | May 21, 2014 | Podcast
I have a confession. There are clothes in my closet that I have not worn in many, many years. I look at those items most days and move through to the next article of clothing that I know I will want to wear. I know that having clothing that I do not wear can be an energy drain. The clothing that I do not wear have some things in common:
- They do not fit comfortably.
- I do not like the style or I do not think I look good in that particular style.
- They look old.
I know having clothing in my closet that I won’t wear is not good for me. It reminds me of mistakes in buying that I made. It reminds me I wasted money. It reminds me of something I do not like.
Clothes I am letting go of.
What you will not find in my closet are clothes that do not fit me because the size is too large or too small. I have found those are the clothes that used to remind me that I was not the size I wanted to be. Also, sometimes I would keep clothing from when I was larger, just in case I regained the weight. I would keep the clothing because when I started my next diet, I would then be able to fit into them. I felt burdened by those clothes and ashamed that I had yet again gained weight. I have since learned the value of having clothing that fits me as I am right now. For me, living in the reality of the present moment helps me to consider being a little better in the next moment. I know there are people who will say that keeping the clothing that is too small is motivation to lose weight. That has not been my experience. I found that keeping those clothes that are too small remind me that I have not been successful.
So now I am cleaning my closet and finding that there are other clothes that feel like a burden to me, because I know I have not worn them for ages. As I am sorting these clothes something interesting is happening; I am resistant to letting them go. I am unsure if I want to get rid of them. I think, maybe I will wear them some day. I’m noticing the emotion of guilt for buying clothing that I really do not like. How could I do that? I now realize that when I shop for clothing, I can tend to get what I think I should like.
As I take this step to let go of what I do not want, I can begin to feel the freedom of keeping around me only items that celebrate me and how I want to look.
This is my new commitment. I will:
- Shop in a more leisurely manner (no kids, no time table).
- Buy clothing that makes me feel good, not what I think I should wear.
- Let go of clothing that does not suit me.
I am focused on moving forward and find that having clothing that celebrates me right now is positive and helps me achieve this goal. Lately, I have been teaching my clients the idea that positivity propels us forward and negativity propels us backwards. Since I want to move forward, I am inviting a positive mindset which includes discarding items that I do not use (including clothing).
Do you have a closet with clothing that you have not worn in over a year? Do you have clothing that you are waiting to wear when you lose weight? Consider letting it go! Let us know below that you are going to take a step to clean out your closet.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | May 7, 2014 | Intuitive Eating, Lifestyle, Mental Health
I love to swim, and I tend to feel negative about my body. Even after all these years of focusing on my body image and intuitive eating, shopping for bathing suits can bring up some negative thoughts.
I have decided the good feeling I get from swimming is more important than any negative feeling about trying on a bathing suit.
I read an article about a study of women’s perception about themselves in bathing suits, the researcher, Marika Tiggemann (a psychologist at Flinders University in Australia) found that women feel more negative about their bodies when they are in the store trying on bathing suits as compared when they are wearing their bathing suit in public. She concluded that the negative thoughts were triggered by the bright lights, the intense look at the body and the large mirrors.
Isn’t that interesting, the place we go to try on bathing suits is the worst place for us to feel good in our bodies.
Here are some ideas to survive the trip to the store to try on bathing suits:
- Don’t spend too much time in the mirror.
- Counteract the negative voices that might be telling yourself that your body is not OK.
- Remember the fun you will have swimming or laying in the sun.
- Don’t focus on the size of the suit (it is just a number).
Many women feel self-conscious about their bodies, and being in a bathing suit can really magnify those negative thoughts.
I guess the option is to not go swimming, which I am sad to say many choose to avoid being seen in a bathing suit.
My desire to swim is much greater than any self-conscious feelings I have.
Maybe you are like me:
- I am a work in progress.
- Trying to improve feelings about my body.
- Knowing that swimming is a great outdoor activity that leads to increased mental health, physical health, and self-esteem.
Come on and join me at the pool, the water is great!
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact Kim: Contact Us.
Listen to the Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast where we have many episodes focused on positive body image.
Sign up for her FREE Am I an Emotional Eater here.
Check out her website at FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | May 7, 2014 | Podcast
This year for Mother’s Day I decided I would ask for what I want. I was specific about the whole thing: where I want to go, what I want to do, and where I want to eat. I have morning, noon, and night mapped out. Normally I go with the flow and do not get so specific. I realized how much I was relying on my family to read my mind and figure out what I really wanted to do and I would sometimes be a little disappointed and resentful when plans weren’t what I thought they should be.
I decided I was not going to beat around the bush this year nor make little subtle suggestions; I was going to outright ask for what I wanted. I think sometimes we expect our partners, family members, or our children to know what we want. I have to remind myself that they cannot read my mind.
Do you ever really ask for what you want? I know that “no” is the response the other can give, but I decided it was important to at least ask specifically for what I wanted.
If you are a mother and have a specific idea about how you want to spend Mother’s Day, ask for it. You deserve to ask for what you want. If your mother, wife, or partner has not told you what she wants to do, ask her. She might surprise you with her answer.
Here’s to all the mothers. I plan to have a great day because I am going to do exactly what I want. What do you plan to do? I would love to hear what you have in store for Mother’s Day. Feel free to post it below.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Apr 1, 2014 | Podcast
So many people struggle with eating issues whether they are binge eaters, emotional eaters or not. This struggle begs the question, what is “normal eating?” Below is a good check list (given to me by Mary McCloy RN, LMFT) to see if you are a normal eater.
- Go to the table hungry and eat until satisfied.
- Eat nutritious foods, but don’t be restrictive.
- Eat 3 meals a day or 4-5 or eat all day long. You decide.
- Leave the food/table when you don’t want more.
- Food does not take up all of your time/energy, except when you are eating.
- You eat and then you are done. You don’t think about eating again until you are hungry.
I had never thought about how a “normal eater” eats. You might find there could be more added to this list or some you do not agree with. The point is that eating is very individual and normal is also individually interpreted. I do know that “normal eating” involves a lack of obsession and compulsion and a lack of constant vigilance. It is a process of nourishing your body. If this is tough for you to do, it could be time to seek support.
Are you or someone you know a “normal eater?” What are the signs you see in a normal eater?
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
by KimMcLaughlin | Mar 17, 2014 | Podcast
Do you find that when you ask someone how they are, they respond by saying they are stressed? You nod and silently agree with them. Life can be stressful. This stress can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety and depression. These uncomfortable feelings are very real and can lead to an increase in mindless overeating or eating to lessen the stress. This eating might feel good in the moment, but it can affect your weight and your overall sense of wellbeing.
There is a way out of this stress.
I like a technique used in the 12-step movement called H.A.L.T. Quite simply, H.A.L.T. is an acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. The root cause of overeating can often start with any of those feelings. Using the acronym we will explore how to look at our feelings.
First start with the letter H and ask yourself “Am I hungry?” This is the first question because the starting point to eating is asking the question “am I hungry.” You might be experiencing physical hunger which means you need to eat. If the answer is “I am not physically hungry,” then move to the next question to see what might be going on.
Secondly ask yourself “Am I angry?” If the answer is yes, this is the time to use some tools to help you get out your anger. Some tools I find helpful are talking to a supportive friend, taking a walk to clear my mind, or taking some time away from the charged situation.
The third question is “Am I lonely?” If the answer is yes, reflect on what might be leading to the loneliness. Perhaps it is sadness over your current life situation, or you do not feel nurtured by the people around you. If you can change the situation, perhaps that might be the best course of action. If you cannot change the situation, change your mind about it. Letting go of the situation’s power over you can be very effective by telling yourself “I let go of this situation.” I know this might sound simplistic, but it works
Lastly ask yourself “Am I tired?” If the answer is yes, REST. Sometimes situations are overwhelming because you have not gotten enough sleep or down time. Restoring yourself through sleep can be very curative when you are physically tired. You might wake with a whole different perspective.
Life can be stressful, that is for sure. But it does not have to be the reason to overeat. By gathering effective tools such as H.A.L.T. you are then prepared handle tough situations when they arise (because you know they will).
What tool do you use to stop you from overeating? Let us know below in the comments.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eating here. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and 
