You need to be more selfish.

I mean the type of selfishness where you think about yourself more often.

Women often ask, “Am I being too selfish?” I ask them to tell me more about what they mean, they want to know is it ok to put their needs first.

Women have been taught to put their needs second to their partners, their boss, and their children.

Let’s break out of this mold and see what the whole self-care movement is all about and determine if we are REALLY being selfish.

What is Selfishness?

• Selfishness typically refers to prioritizing one’s own needs and desires over others without considering their well-being or feelings.
• It often involves acting out of self-interest at the expense of others, disregarding their boundaries or emotions.
• Selfish behavior can lead to strained relationships, resentment, and a lack of empathy towards others.

What is so wrong about being selfish?

I think the problem with being selfish is we put our own needs over all the other people around us without consideration of their needs. Another term that fits for this is self-centered.

When we are selfish, it is all about ME!

This can be off putting and disrespectful of others. It can set them off to be mad at us for looking at only what we need without any regard to the others around us.

Selfishness indicates you are not having empathy for others and their situation.

You are attentive to your own thoughts and needs.

Women are praised for being nice.

Be a good girl, be nice.

What is Self-Care?

• Self-care, on the other hand, is a practice of taking intentional actions to prioritize one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
• It involves recognizing and meeting your own needs in a healthy and balanced way.
• Self-care is rooted in self-compassion and acknowledges that taking care of yourself enables you to better support and care for others.
• Engaging in self-care can enhance overall well-being, reduce stress, and promote a positive mindset.

What is so wrong about Self-Care?

Self-care is totally about you and your needs. There is a way to engage in self-care and not be off putting as you are when you are selfish.

Self-care can be considered for others, but that can come second.

I have a motto, if I am not good for me, it is not good for you. I mean this to say when I am engaging in my own self-care, I am helping you.

How am I helping others when I engage in self-care?

• I am nicer to others when I engage in my own self-care.
• I am much more fun to be around when I take care of myself.
• I allow space for others to take care of themselves.
• I have more positive thoughts and behaviors when I engage in self-care.

While selfishness focuses solely on personal gain without regard for others, self-care emphasizes the importance of nurturing oneself to show up as the best version for both oneself and others. It is about finding balance and making choices that prioritize your well-being while still considering the needs of those around you.

In your journey towards making peace with food and your body, it is essential to engage in self-care practices.

It might be new to you to engage in self-care.

Self-care can be nourishing to your mind, body, and soul. It takes consideration to determine what is actually self-care for YOU. I find everyone is different and requires something personal to them.

Here are some ways to help you move into more self-care:

• Journal what selfishness means to you and what does self-care mean to me.
• Practicing mindfulness.
• Setting boundaries and let them know when the answer is NO!!!
• Seeking support from loved ones or professionals.
• Engaging in activities that bring you joy/fun.
• Prioritizing rest and relaxation.

I find that self-care leads me to be a better person.

I find that I am nicer, calmer and more discerning when I am engaging in more self-care. I tend to take deeper breaths and can determine what is my best course of action. I noticed the other day that I felt irritated. I realized that it had been days since I had engaged in self-care and my irritation was showing. Here is what I did:

• I noticed I felt irritated.
• I checked in with myself to wonder why.
• I noticed I had not engaged in self-care in over 5 days.
• I asked myself what I needed NOW to get some self-care relief.

I found after I had the above conversation with myself,

I realized I needed to take a break from the group I had been with for many days.

• I took a walk.
• Took deep breaths.
• Then I began some positive affirmations.

I then was able to feel calmer and more centered. Self-care worked!!!!

Self-care is not selfish; it is an act of self-love and empowerment.

When you take care of yourself, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself, your body, and improving your overall well-being.

Ultimately, you will be more present for yourself and those around you.

Determine what you can start doing RIGHT NOW to engage in more self-care. Then notice how you feel. If it is working, you will feel much better.

In the end, embrace self-care is an essential part of your journey towards finding peace and fulfillment.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist (Licensed in California 27667), Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Interested in learning more about therapy with Kim McLaughlin? Learn more information here: https://feedyoursoultherapy.com/

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.