Don’t weight: Love Yourself Now

by KimMcLaughlin | Sep 6, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Self-Love

I often hear people say that all they want to do is lose weight and how different their life would be when they do lose that weight.

I find people are then focused on the future and what will be rather than what is. They will call themselves names or let others column names and underneath the shame builds. The shame is what ultimately leads to further binge eating in the future.

When you say “I need to lose weight” you’re saying that you’re not OK with yourself as you are.

Shame is a core root emotion in overeating.

Focusing on our weight is focusing on the external (your body). Instead focusing on the internal is the way to get more connected with yourself to understand your body and your food. Focusing on your weight is putting judgments on yourself that you do not like who you are.

Truthfully, your weight is not who you are.

I have often heard people say, I am just telling the truth about myself.

Accepting yourself as you are different than the subtle and not so subtle put downs of yourself.

All of those negative statements and thoughts hold you back from a life of peace with food.

It can be hard to think about loving yourself.

It also can be something you have never considered. Here are 4 techniques to help you love yourself and your body NOW…

First, keep clothing that fits.

I challenge you to look for the clothes that you are saving for when you lose weight. This can bring up a lot of feelings, so good easy on yourself. These old clothes can keep you stuck in that diet/binge/shame cycle.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your clothes:

Do I own items that fit?
Do they look good on me?
Do I like them?
Are my clothes a reflection of me loving my body NOW?

I know it can be hard to love the body that you have when our society is so focused on looking differently than we look.

The process of acting lovingly towards your body is healing to your heart and mind.

Here are some ideas:

Take a bath
Walk down the street.
Use some scented lotion.
Affirm a healthy body.

See and affirm your body’s’ health. There are a lot of techniques out there to help guide you with affirmations and visualization.

Loving where you are at helps you continue that health in the future.

The whole concept of a health body has been hijacked by the weight loss industry ($58 billion industry).

The statement “I am looking for health”, can be code for I need to lose weight.

I recommend you disconnect “health” from your body size.

What is a health body to you, without mentioning size?
What does that body feel like and how does it work for you?

Truthfully, mindfulness is the best way to get become more loving of your body.

Finding your right way to be present in your body can be so tough, because we have been taught and encouraged to deny our bodies.

Being present in your body is the ultimate way to feed your soul and to feed your body. Practice mindfulness moment to moment with your breath.

In conclusion, being loving to your body sets you up for success.

This success shows up in feeling good about yourself and your body. Making the connection between your body and self-love is a crucial component to feeding your soul and nourishing your life.

In the end, practice one (or many) of the options above and focus on the value of loving yourself as you are right now. The value of this experience is profound!

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

Self-Esteem Is Not Found In Weight Loss

by KimMcLaughlin | Aug 19, 2022 | Self-Love

It is commonly thought that self-esteem increases when we lose weight. Yes, you can lose weight and not feel better about yourself.

Is your weight your barometer about how you feel about yourself?

I know there is this euphoria that can come when you lose weight. AND I know that feeling lasts only a while, because it is not based on something that is not based on who you are. Is the size of your body who you really are?

Using weight loss to feel better about yourself is based on a fleeting idea. It is based on an external process.

To really increase your self-esteem, there needs to be a connection with how you feel about yourself, which is an internal process- NOT the number on the scale.

The truth is you should have self-esteem no matter what weight you are at.

Rather than having a goal of weight loss, how about a goal of increasing self-esteem?

What is self-esteem?

The dictionary says, “it’s confidence in one’s own worth, or abilities and self-respect. And it’s a sense of self-worth.”

Self-esteem and self-worth go together. It’s confidence in your own worth and your abilities. It’s a sense of self-respect.

Self-esteem is also how we feel about ourselves and our abilities. It affects how we manage our lives, and how easily we move through our lives. When self-esteem is high, life feels good:

We know how to manage life.
We know how to talk with somebody.
We know how much we want to eat.
We know which foods are in our best interest and feel good in our bodies.

Self-esteem really is a lot of components that kind of come together into making us feel happy.

What is high self-esteem?

If you can think of self-esteem on a 1 to 10 scale. We are shooting for 8,9,10 on our scale as high self-esteem, right in the middle would be 5 and the low end of self-esteem is 3,2 or 1.

Where do you fall on that self-esteem scale?

If you are noticing, you have high self-esteem- you can ask yourself:

How did I get here?
What have I been doing to get and keep my self-esteem this high?
What have I done in the past to increase my self-esteem?

If you are in the midrange of self-esteem, ask yourself:

What is going on?
What got you here?
Do I want to increase my self-esteem?

How can you increase your self-esteem if you notice it is low?

First, notice what’s going on for you. How are you feeling about yourself? How lovable are you feeling? How accepting are you of yourself?
Second determine if you want to increase your self-esteem?
Third, consider what do you need to do or think or be to increase that self-esteem?

Focusing on weight loss is not the way to increase self-esteem. Although, focusing on increasing self-esteem leads you to feel more physically present which can lead to you moving your body more, eating foods that nourish and it can help you be a better intuitive eater.

Getting into action to increase self-esteem can be very helpful. Here are some strategies:

The first strategy is to have more positive self-talk. Notice when you’re talking negative to yourself, when you’re beating yourself up, when you’re calling yourself names, when you’re calling yourself out, when you’re saying you’re bad. Increase your positive self-talk: I am kind, I am happy, I am love, I am lovable, I am worthy, I am confident, I am successful. Those are great positive self-talk strategies; I am and put in a word that is positive.
The second strategy is let go of perfection. Perfection can be needing to be perfect around food, needing to eat a certain way, also let go of having to exercise in a certain way. Perfectionism can lead you to not feel good about yourself. We can never be perfect; it just doesn’t work. There’s always going to be a level of imperfection in all our lives. So, let’s acknowledge it. Let’s move beyond it. Let go of that pressure of perfection and call things good enough.
The third strategy is to forgive yourself. Remember, we talked about not being perfect, forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for the things that you do that you think are wrong. We tend to beat ourselves up over perfection. And then we’re shaming ourselves. The antidote is forgiveness. Be gentler with yourself.

In the end, determine where you’re at with your self-esteem. Determine if you have been trying to use weight loss as a way to feel better about yourself (increase your self-esteem). Utilize one of these strategies to start increasing your self-esteem. I encourage you to get into action, I encourage you to make it your goal to increase your self-esteem.