The Missing Pieces of Mental Health: 6 Pillars That Actually Help

The Missing Pieces of Mental Health: 6 Pillars That Actually Help

by | Jun 22, 2026 | Uncategorized

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What is Mental Health Awareness?

During Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to share the 6 Pillars of Mental Health a framework I use with therapy clients to create meaningful, sustainable change. You can also listen to this topic on the Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast.

Mental health awareness has become more recognizable over the course of many years.

The movement originated in the early 1900s, it exploded into mainstream public consciousness during the 1990s due to new brain science, and again in the 2010s through social media, celebrity advocacy, and global campaigns.

Some reasons for mental health awareness are:

  • Reduce stigma. The CDC recognizes mental health stigma as
    1. “Stigma refers to negative attitudes, beliefs, and stereotypes people may hold towards those who experience mental health conditions.
    2. Stigma can prevent or delay people from seeking care or cause them to discontinue treatment.
    3. We can all play a part in helping to reduce mental health stigma.”
  • Increase access to mental health services

There is a lack of access to mental health services. I hear about it daily in my work as a therapist.

 

  • Normalize our discussions about mental health.

There is a stigma when we talk about mental health issues. Clients and people, I meet say they cannot tell others about their mental health symptoms for fear that they will be rejected.

Today, I want to walk you through a framework I use with clients: Six pillars that support real, sustainable mental health. We are going to make this conversation an honest and real one.

 

What Are the 6 Pillars of Mental Health?

Mental health is multi-dimensional and that is why I talk about the 6 pillars of mental health. These 6 pillars are the foundation of the totality of who you are and how you can be mentally well.

The six pillars of mental health are:

  1. Physical Health
  2. Emotional Health
  3. Mental Wellness
  4. Lifestyle
  5. Mindfulness
  6. Self-Love

I find that many “Self-Health” gurus focus on one of the pillars, maybe two AND this is insufficient to create lasting change.

Together, these pillars create a holistic foundation for emotional resilience, stress management, and overall mental wellness.

 

The 6 Pillars of Mental Health

  1. Physical Health

Your body and mind are not separate. We are learning more about the connection between how our body functions and how we are thinking and feeling.

When we look at physical health the attention often falls to weight. I have talked about weight issues and weight stigma often. Nutrition is one of the many aspects of physical health and there are quite a few other areas:

  • Sleep
  • Movement
  • Nutrition
  • Nervous system regulation

When we are “off” it tends to show up physically. Our nervous system regulation shows up in physical symptoms that can clue us onto a problem.

I like to ask myself the question, “What is your body trying to tell you right now?”

Tools that can increase your physical health.

It can be easiest to start with one small habit

    • Hydration
    • Walking
    • Consistent sleep time
    • Food that nourishes your body

 

  1. Emotional Health

Let’s start with a key fact that feeling emotions is not the problem, avoiding them is. In my practice as a psychotherapist avoiding feelings is often the result of a year’s long pattern of disconnecting from our emotions.

It makes sense to disconnect from feelings that are upsetting, because you do not know what to do with them. I know that the more you avoid them, the more they show up at others times unannounced.

I think the starting point with all these pillars, especially, is to start being curious and recognize them. Emotional Awareness is the first step.

Suppressing emotions means we are out of touch with so many parts of ourselves: our emotions, our physical sensations and we can then be out of touch with the people around us.

This is a process that is gathered over time. I invite my clients to

  • Sit with feelings
  • Name their emotions
  • Be curious about them

I like asking the questions:

  • What emotion have you been avoiding lately?
  • What emotion has been showing up often?

Tools can increase your Emotional Health.

  • Name the feeling → locate it in the body → allow it.
  • Naming the feeling can be simple if you use some basic terms:
    • Happy
    • Sad
    • Scared
    • Lonely
    • Bored
    • Angry
  • After you name the feeling, locate it in your body. Where in your body are you feeling this? Some places I find my clients identify are:

 

  • Anger is found in their tense neck
  • Frustration is found in their tight shoulders
  • Sadness is found in their tears
  • Fear is found in their tight chest

 

  • It can be scary to allow yourself to feel the feeling. When we sit with a feeling with some intention, it does slip away. The feeling will not be there forever.
  • If emotional overwhelm feels difficult to manage, therapies such as Brainspotting can help address deeper patterns stored in the nervous system.

 

  1. Mental Wellness (Thought Patterns)

Our thoughts can be indicative of a problem in our lives. Our thoughts can be overwhelming and intrusive in a way that can be quit negative.

Thoughts shape perception AND they’re not always truth.

I tell my clients that just because they think something does not make it true.

Thoughts are indications there is an inner critic that wants to bring us down.

Our thoughts can add information that we do not know to be true. It is like our thoughts can get 10 steps ahead of a situation AND make it worse.

There is also a tendency to put meaning to what others are saying/doing that is not based on the truth at that moment.

I like the THINK acronym

  • T= Is it true.
  • H= Is it helpful
  • I= Is it inspiring
  • N= Is it necessary?
  • K= Is it kind.

You do not have to believe every thought that you have. I say you made the thought up and you can unmake it up. Meaning you can investigate the thought to see if it is true.

What are Mental Wellness Tools?

I find it is helpful slow down and questions what our mind is telling us is true.

  • Recognize whether there is some agitation or dysregulation in your body.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Ask yourself, What do I know to be true?
  • Wait for the answer and keep breathing.
  • If the thoughts are positive and helpful you are probably moving in the right direction.

Generally, we are responding from our inner critic. The voice in our head that tells us we are wrong or others are wrong.

It is the part of our head that also makes things up. We make up stories in our head that is not always based on reality.

 

  1. Lifestyle

How you move through your daily life either supports or drains your mental health.

The Lifestyle Pillar for mental health is a significant one. Lifestyle is about your day-to-day life.

Think of the Lifestyle Pillar as:

  • Work/School
  • Family/Children
  • Play
  • Money
  • Family of Origin
  • Social Relationships

As you might be able to tell, the Lifestyle Pillar plays into all the other pillars. Emotions and thoughts affect how we live our lives on a day-to-day basis.

In recognition of the vastness of this pillar, lets look at how we can address what shows up in our relationships.

 

Boundaries play a huge role in how we address what goes on in our lives. Boundaries are ultimately how we can take care of ourselves AND not take care of ourselves.

  • Can you embrace a work/life balance?
  • Do you people please and let others take advantage of you?
  • Do you say yes when you mean no?
  • Do you take care of others at your own expense?

Increase your Lifestyle response

Tools that we want to embrace in our Lifestyle is ones that help us determine what is important to us.

    • What aspect of your life causes you concern?
    • Where in your life are you saying yes when you should say no?
    • One boundary you can set this week?

 

  1. Mindfulness

Mind/body/spirit awareness creates choice and opportunity.

Mindfulness is simply being present in yourself without judgment

There are so many misconceptions about Mindfulness. It is not about clearing your mind and taking away your thoughts or feelings.

Mindfulness is about getting quiet to hear, ultimately, that still small voice inside of you.

The benefits of mindfulness is that it interrupts going into autopilot with our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Mindfulness Tools

  • Try breathing in for 6 second breath, hold for 6 seconds and then let the air out for 6 seconds. This can be the reset that you need when upset.
  • Wash your hands with cool water and a lovely smelling soap!!! Extra points for putting on a lotion you love.
  • Walk outside and feel your feet on the ground. This is a fantastic grounding exercise.

  1. Self-Love

Your relationship with yourself (self-love) sets the tone for everything else.

We live in a society that is so critical and I find our thoughts can be equally critical.

Self-Love gives us an opportunity to calm down our mind, thoughts and behavior.

We need to reframe Self-Love:

  1. It is not a bubble bath.
  2. It is not a pedicure.
  3. It is the way you talk to treat ourself.

Many high-achieving women believe self-criticism keeps them motivated. They focus on telling themselves what they do wrong, which ends up feeling defeating.

Chronic self-judgment often increases anxiety, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy.

The inner critic can run wild AND the antidote is self-love.

There are many tools to increase Self-Love

    • Would you talk to someone you love the way you talk to yourself?
    • Practice replacing harsh self-talk with neutral/compassionate language
    • Imagine talking to yourself as if you were a younger child. What would you say to them?

How the Pillars Work Together

These 6 pillars are interconnected, not separate silos. You need all of them in balance.

Poor sleep (physical) can lead to emotional reactivity, which can lead to negative thinking and ends in strained relationships.

You can’t fix everything at once, that is impossible!

Ready to strengthen your mental health?

The good news is you do not have to focus on all 6 pillars of mental health all at once!

Over time as you move through all the pillars, you will notice a subtle shift in your feelings about yourself and your life.

Let’s create some mental health habits. Here is your invitation to choose one pillar to focus on this week.

Physical Pillar

  1. Take a walk 1 time this week.
  2. Drink 8oz of water daily.
  3. Go to bed at a regular time.

Emotional Pillar

  1. Name an emotion as you feel it.
  2. Acknowledge your emotions.
  3. Write about an emotion in a journal.

Mental Pillar

  1. Notice your destructive thoughts.
  2. Be curious about the thought.
  3. Let the thought drift away from your mind (I like washing my hands to get me connected back with my body).

Lifestyle Pillar

  1. Say yes to something you really want to do.
  2. Say no to something you do not want to do.
  3. Plan an activity that is FUN.

Mindfulness Pillar

  1. Take a 6-second-deep breath, hold for 6 seconds and let it out for 6 seconds.
  2. Smell an essential oil. Put it on your wrist or on your neck.
  3. Wash your hands with a soap that you love.

Self-Love Pillar

  1. Chose a positive affirmation. “I am here” is a favorite of mine.
  2. Find beauty in your surroundings.
  3. Tell yourself, I Love You.

Now that you have identified which pillar to work on put your commitment to yourself in your calendar. Even better, include telling a trusted person about it to hold yourself accountable.

Engaging in practicing these pillars is an opportunity to focus on curiosity over judgment.

In the end, here is what you need to know

Increasing your mental health is ongoing and is not something you “arrive at.”

It takes courage to look at your inner world and make the changes you need for your future.

Start with small, consistent care creates meaningful change over time.

If you are suffering you do not need to go through it alone, consider mental health therapy and counseling.

 

Kim McLaughlin is a psychotherapist in california. Providing therapy services to high achieving women.Kim McLaughlin, LMFT, psychotherapist, speaker, author, and host of the Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast. Kim helps high-achieving women improve their mental health, overcome emotional eating and binge eating, reduce anxiety, and create more joy and fulfillment in their lives. She offers online therapy throughout California and in-person counseling in Roseville, CA.

Schedule a free 20-minute consultation here. https://kim-mclaughlin.clientsecure.me/

Beyond Confidence: How to Build True Inner Strength One Step at a Time

Beyond Confidence: How to Build True Inner Strength One Step at a Time

by | Jul 29, 2025 | Wellness

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When people think of confidence, they often imagine someone walking into a room with charisma, standing tall, speaking clearly, and seemingly not caring what others think. Truth is, confidence is much deeper and more personal than outward appearances.

In a recent episode of the Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast, I sat down again with my longtime friend and confidence coach Erin Sum. Erin was my very first podcast guest back in 2019 (Episode 24), and we had a powerful conversation then about how to build confidence. This time, we went even deeper, because confidence isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s an evolving, ever-expanding journey.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, perfectionism, or that inner voice telling you “you’re not good enough,” we got you.

From Shy to Confident: Erin’s Story

Erin shared a vulnerable and inspiring story about how her confidence journey began. As someone who once identified as extremely shy, she never imagined she would one day speak on stages or coach others to embrace their power.

Her turning point??? She joined Passion Parties — an in-home party company selling relationship-enhancing products. Erin had to speak in front of groups, lead events, and sell products that made most people blush. It was uncomfortable, bold, and totally transformative.

“That was a massive leap outside my comfort zone,” she said. “But I knew I was here to make a difference. I just didn’t know how to do it until I took that step.”

This leap set off a chain reaction that led her to discover life coaching, eventually becoming a full-time confidence transformation coach.

Isn’t Shyness and Confidence the Same Thing?

One of the most fascinating parts of our discussion was around the connection between shyness and confidence. Are they always linked?

Erin believes that, in many cases, they are linked.

“Shyness often means we’re shrinking ourselves, holding back from being who we really are,” she explained. “It’s not just about being quiet — it’s about hiding your light.”

That doesn’t mean every quiet person lacks confidence. But when shyness is rooted in fear of being seen or judged, it can be a signal to look inward and ask:

  • What am I holding back?
  • Why am I afraid to be fully seen?
  • What is the worst that could happen if I am seen?

5 Hidden Signs You Might Be Lacking Confidence

Low self-confidence can show up in sneaky ways. Erin and I discussed several phrases and habits that people don’t always associate with confidence, but which are clear signals:

  1. “I don’t deserve that.”
    Whether it’s a compliment, a raise, or a relationship, feeling unworthy is a hallmark of low confidence.
  2. Second-guessing yourself constantly.
    If you can’t decide without spinning your wheels, it’s often rooted in self-doubt.
  3. Putting things off because you fear failure or judgment? That’s confidence hiding in the shadows.
  4. The need to “get it right” before acting can paralyze you — more on that later.
  5. Not taking action.
    Inaction isn’t laziness! It’s often fear disguised as hesitation.

Confidence is a Practice, Not a Destination

One of the most empowering ideas Erin shared was this:

“The more confident you become, the more those limiting beliefs fade away. But they come back- just at a different level.”

There’s a saying: “New level, new devil.” Erin offered a twist: “New level, old devil,” because often, the same fears resurface, just in new disguises.

Maybe you’ve conquered public speaking in small groups, but now you’re afraid to speak at a conference. Or you’ve built a business, but now you’re scared to raise your rates.

That’s not failure. That’s growth.

Really, confidence work is never really “done.” It evolves with you.

Let’s Talk About Perfectionism

Oh, perfectionism: the enemy of creativity, progress, and peace of mind.

Both Erin and I admitted that we’ve fallen into the perfectionism trap. As a Virgo and an only child, Erin joked she was “triple-whammied” with the perfectionism gene.

“I used to spend so much time perfecting a web page or writing,” she said. “Eventually, I had to accept it was never going to be perfect.”

Her favorite mantra (which I now use regularly) is from our mutual mentor, Caterina Rando:

“Done is better than perfect.”

It sounds simple, but it’s a game-changer. Every time I remind myself of this, I can move forward even when things feel messy.

If you’ve ever held back because you couldn’t get something just right, you’re not alone and that’s perfectionism at work.

Haters are Helpful!!!

This might surprise you: one of the biggest confidence boosts Erin ever experienced came from getting her first “hater.”

Yep, someone in her community tore her down publicly. Instead of shrinking, Erin celebrated. She even made a video that night (in her hoodie, no makeup, 9 p.m.) and said:

“Getting a hater means I’ve made it. It means I’m standing for something.”

That video became her most-watched video ever.

Here’s why this matters: If you put yourself out there, people will criticize. Some might even try to tear you down. That’s not a sign to stop — it’s a sign that you’re being bold.

Truth bomb: The people who truly care about you don’t need you to be perfect. And the people who demand perfection? They’re not your people.

Small but Powerful Ways to Build Confidence

So how do we build confidence? Especially if we feel stuck, scared, or deeply self-critical?

Erin offered four simple but powerful steps:

 

  1. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of?

Often, naming the fear is enough to take away its power. We tend to exaggerate what might go wrong.

  1. What’s the worst-case scenario?

Be honest. If you speak up in a meeting, what’s the actual worst that could happen? Usually, it’s not nearly as bad as your brain makes it out to be.

  1. How would I act if I felt confident and bold?

Imagine your future self, the one who’s already living confidently. What would they do right now?

  1. Take one small step.

Not a leap. Just a step.

  • Send that email.
  • Make that call.
  • Speak one sentence

Confidence grows with action, not waiting.

Confidence in Real Life: What It Looks Like

Let me share a personal story: I recently had to attend a networking event. As someone who often helps others navigate fear and discomfort, people assume it’s easy for me. It’s not. I had to sit myself down and say:

“Kim, just go. Show up as you are. You’ll find your people there.”

I did and I had conversations that mattered.

The fear beforehand was real.

Leaning on my confidence tools helped just like they will for you.

Confidence doesn’t mean fear is gone. It means you show up anyway.

The Power of Community

One of the most underestimated parts of building confidence is community.

Erin and I both emphasized how important it is to surround yourself with people who:

  • Celebrate your growth
  • Encourage your bold steps
  • Support you when fear shows up

If you don’t have those people in your life yet, seek them out. Join a group. Hire a coach. Talk to a therapist. We are not meant to do this alone.

Self-Reflection: Confidence Check-In

Here are a few journal prompts to help you integrate what you’ve read:

  1. Where in your life are you currently holding back?
  2. What fear is underneath that hesitation?
  3. How would you act if you believed in yourself just 10% more?
  4. Who in your life encourages your confidence — and who drains it?
  5. What’s one bold (but manageable) action you can take this week?

Finally, You Deserve to Shine

Confidence isn’t about being loud, being “perfect,” or having it all figured out.

  • Trust yourself, even when you’re unsure.
  • Show up, even when you’re scared.
  • Act, even when you’re doubting.
  • Believe, even when you feel shaky.

If you’re struggling with low confidence right now, take a breath. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t — it’s something you build. One small, brave action at a time.

Erin and I are living proof of that.

So today, ask yourself:

✨ What would I do if I trusted myself just a little more?

Now go do that.

Want more?
🎧 Listen to the full Feed Your Soul with Kim podcast episode #123 “Beyond Confidence” with Erin Sum.  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/123-beyond-confidence/id1473042304?i=1000717437412

🌀 Subscribe to hear more stories, insights, and practical tools for emotional well-being, confidence, and empowerment. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feed-your-soul-with-kim/id1473042304

You’ve got this — and we’ve got you.

Disclaimer: This blog is not a replacement for mental health counseling. If you are suffering, seek out a qualified mental health provider. You are worth it!!!

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who helps people literally feel better in their lives.

 She specializes in providing therapy for people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.

 You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.

 Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.

Erin Summ is a Confidence Coach. You can find out more about her on her website- https://erinsumm.com/

Check out her Bold Confident Speaker Series: https://erinsumm.com/empoweredwoman-speakerseries/