by KimMcLaughlin | Oct 25, 2022 | Binge eating, Holidays
I have so many memories of struggling with candy around the holidays.
When I was single, I feared having candy in the house. Every Halloween, I’d buy a bag of candy “for the trick-or-treaters,” but that was never how it went. I’d end up eating it all (every piece) then feel ashamed and out of control. I was convinced I couldn’t stop.
A “Solution” that didn’t solve the problem
One year, I came up with a plan: I’d go to the gym on Halloween night.
If you’ve ever been to the gym on Halloween, you know it’s practically empty! But I thought that was the only way to avoid overeating candy. If I wasn’t home, I wouldn’t have to buy any candy—and therefore, I wouldn’t binge.
It worked in a way. I didn’t buy candy. But when I came home, I’d sneak into the house, turn off all the lights, and hide upstairs watching TV so no one would knock.
I felt ashamed to tell the kids I didn’t have candy—I just wanted to avoid the entire situation.
Then came a new perspective…
I married a man who loved giving out candy on Halloween.
He’d buy candy, keep it sealed until Halloween night, enjoy a few pieces, and take the rest to his office to share. Watching him do that amazed me. I saw how candy does not have to have control me. It was possible to have it in the house without obsessing over it.
At first, it still felt hard. I used to think, “You know you’re going to eat it—just do it.” I believed I had no control. Over time, that belief changed.
Everything began to shift when I discovered Intuitive Eating. (link)
It took time and effort, but I learned how to have true freedom around food. Now, we can have candy in the house, and it doesn’t “call my name.” I can enjoy it when I want it—without guilt, fear, or overeating.
That peace didn’t happen overnight, but it’s possible.
Now I have Peace with Food Over the Holidays.
I’ve realized that peace with food isn’t just about managing food, it’s about addressing the whole picture. There are several key areas that help release the grip food and sweets can have on us:
- Physical
Learn simple, practical ways to look at food and candy differently. Small shifts can make a big difference.
- Emotional
The holidays can bring up strong emotions. Learning to handle them without turning to food is life changing.
- Mental
Those obsessive food thoughts can feel overwhelming. Building tools to manage them is essential.
- Lifestyle & Social
Setting boundaries and learning to say “no” can help you protect your peace during the holidays.
- Mindfulness
When life gets busy, how can you slow down and connect with yourself? Mindfulness helps you get quiet in the chaos.
- Self-Love
Ask yourself, What do I really need? When you treat yourself with love, your relationship with food naturally softens.
Why Restriction Doesn’t Work
Notice that only one of these six components is about food itself. That’s because food isn’t the real issue—restriction is.
When we restrict food, it only increases obsession and guilt. The real solution is creating balance among all the physical, emotional, and mental parts of our lives.
It takes effort and practice, but it truly works.
Finding real Peace with Food
Today, I happily hand out candy to our neighborhood kids. I don’t feel anxious when my daughter brings home her Halloween treats. I can enjoy a piece—and move on.
That’s peace with food, and you can have it too.
If you want to start now, here are some journaling questions to help you look at food, candy and Halloween differently:
- What have you been told about candy?
- Is there a fear of gaining weight from eating candy?
- Is there a need that you are not meeting?
- Do you allow yourself to have candy mindfully?
- What family memories do you have of candy?
- Did you get candy when you were good?
- Were you shamed of how your body looked?
Start by wondering what candy means to you. You might find some really insightful answers.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
Disclaimer: This blog is not a replacement for mental health counseling. If you are suffering, seek out a qualified mental health provider. You are worth it!!!
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who helps people literally feel better in their lives. She specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms. Listen to the companion episode on the Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Oct 3, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Holidays
Do you find you are already thinking about candy? It is front and center in the grocery stores. I have already heard stories of people buying candy in September and eating all of it.
This is your opportunity to look at this holiday season, which I lovingly call the Holiday Trifecta, differently. The holiday trifecta is the time between October 1 and January 1 where we can be tempted by food. This is 3 months of pressure, stress and overwhelm.
Here are some ways to handle food over the holiday season:
- Don’t keep candy in the house?
- Think you won’t overeat during a holiday meal and then despite your best intention you overeat to the point of feeling sick.
- Plan to overeat this holiday and deal with it (weight gain) January 1 when you plan to go on your diet.
- Plan to restrict your food intake over the holidays. Well, maybe not we all know how well that can work after the second week in October????.
The saying “failing to plan means you’re planning to fail” takes on a whole new meaning when we look at the holiday season. We think we will do it the RIGHT way (whatever that is) and not have problems with food.
The difficulty is the plan is around food not around all the areas that lead us to overeat. This is the season of the special foods, the one we do not have all year. The ones we wait all year for (hello Pumpkin Spiced Latte). We want a lot of the special food because we feel deprived of them the rest of the year.
This deprivation mimics when we are on a diet, and we say we can’t have something. We engage in diet type behavior all year when we don’t have these special foods and then at the holidays, we overeat them. One of my wins is to realize that we can have mashed potatoes anytime, it does not have to just be at Thanksgiving. Allowing the food when we want it makes it part of our normal routine.
To move through this time, it can be helpful to have a plan:
- How will I address food?
- How will I address my emotions?
- How will I address my thoughts?
- How will I address my social obligations, including family members?
- How will I create peace?
- How will I act in a loving way towards myself?
All the above questions lead to the overwhelm. This plan does not have to be vast, but it must be in the forefront of your mind.
There is a better way.
The starting spot can be answering the questions we addressed earlier. Make a conscious choice to make it a peaceful holiday season AND enjoy yourself.
Need support for food this holiday season?
Peace with Food: Holiday Edition is coming!!! This is a super affordable way ($29) to get peace with food this holiday season. Check it out here: https://go.feedyoursoulunlimited.com/holidaychallenge2022
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Sep 6, 2022 | Emotional Eating, Self-Love
I often hear people say that all they want to do is lose weight and how different their life would be when they do lose that weight.
I find people are then focused on the future and what will be rather than what is. They will call themselves names or let others column names and underneath the shame builds. The shame is what ultimately leads to further binge eating in the future.
When you say “I need to lose weight” you’re saying that you’re not OK with yourself as you are.
Shame is a core root emotion in overeating.
Focusing on our weight is focusing on the external (your body). Instead focusing on the internal is the way to get more connected with yourself to understand your body and your food. Focusing on your weight is putting judgments on yourself that you do not like who you are.
Truthfully, your weight is not who you are.
I have often heard people say, I am just telling the truth about myself.
Accepting yourself as you are different than the subtle and not so subtle put downs of yourself.
All of those negative statements and thoughts hold you back from a life of peace with food.
It can be hard to think about loving yourself.
It also can be something you have never considered. Here are 4 techniques to help you love yourself and your body NOW…
First, keep clothing that fits.
I challenge you to look for the clothes that you are saving for when you lose weight. This can bring up a lot of feelings, so good easy on yourself. These old clothes can keep you stuck in that diet/binge/shame cycle.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about your clothes:
- Do I own items that fit?
- Do they look good on me?
- Do I like them?
- Are my clothes a reflection of me loving my body NOW?
I know it can be hard to love the body that you have when our society is so focused on looking differently than we look.
The process of acting lovingly towards your body is healing to your heart and mind.
Here are some ideas:
- Take a bath
- Walk down the street.
- Use some scented lotion.
- Affirm a healthy body.
See and affirm your body’s’ health. There are a lot of techniques out there to help guide you with affirmations and visualization.
Loving where you are at helps you continue that health in the future.
The whole concept of a health body has been hijacked by the weight loss industry ($58 billion industry).
The statement “I am looking for health”, can be code for I need to lose weight.
I recommend you disconnect “health” from your body size.
- What is a health body to you, without mentioning size?
- What does that body feel like and how does it work for you?
Truthfully, mindfulness is the best way to get become more loving of your body.
Finding your right way to be present in your body can be so tough, because we have been taught and encouraged to deny our bodies.
Being present in your body is the ultimate way to feed your soul and to feed your body. Practice mindfulness moment to moment with your breath.
In conclusion, being loving to your body sets you up for success.
This success shows up in feeling good about yourself and your body. Making the connection between your body and self-love is a crucial component to feeding your soul and nourishing your life.
In the end, practice one (or many) of the options above and focus on the value of loving yourself as you are right now. The value of this experience is profound!
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
