by KimMcLaughlin | Mar 5, 2024 | Emotional Eating, Movement
Stop exercising!!!
There I said it. I think exercising is ridiculous.
My clients often tell me they, too, do not want to exercise. They often ask me why they do not want to exercise. They know it is “good” for them, but they are unmotivated.
The people I talk to are motivated to exercise when they start a diet. Once they stop losing weight and stop the diet, then the exercise stops.
Aren’t we all supposed to want to exercise?
Merriam-Webster says physical exercise is:
- The regular or repeated use of a faculty or bodily organ.
- Bodily exertion for the sake of developing and maintaining physical fitness.
I have always thought exercise is something that I am supposed to want to do. I am supposed to want to be “physically fit,” whatever that might mean.
I, and many of my clients, do not resonate with the idea of exercise.
There are some powerful reasons not to want to exercise:
- Exercising is connected to the dieting cycle of restrict, binge, and shame.
- It can be hard and uncomfortable. Anyone who’s heard the term, “no pain, no gain” could agree.
- You sweat A LOT, which can lead to embarrassment about your size.
- Exercise can bring back the feelings from younger years of being shamed in P.E. class.
- Clothes don’t fit right or do not support you correctly.
- Your body is exposed through tight clothes. Gyms have LOTS of mirrors.
- The ongoing judgment of yourself not being able to perform a physical task.
- There is mental connection between exercise and dieting.
The list of why we do not exercise is long. When we have a history of eating disorders and disordered eating, there is plenty of baggage with exercise.
When my clients ask, why should I exercise? I respond you shouldn’t exercise.
Shocking right?
Even though exercise is loaded with baggage, we are in bodies and need to engage in movement.
Intuitive Eating calls it “joyful movement.”
We are meant to move our bodies in the way that works best for each of us. Everyone has a different level of capacity and ability.
Do what movement YOU can do.
We know from studies and experience that movement has many positive benefits:
- Can help decrease depressive symptoms. Movement can get us to increase the endorphins our bodies need to feel better. Note: movement is not the cure for depression, but it can be a helpful part of your treatment. If you are experiencing depression, please seek out a licensed mental health professional.
- Movement can help you sleep better. Being physically tired can be helpful.
- My esthetician says my skin looks better since I have been engaging in more movement.
- Lastly, we are in bodies that are made to be in motion and you get to define what that motion looks like.
What kind of movement should you engage in?
Here are some questions to help you figure it out:
First ask yourself, when I was younger what did I like to do?
- What did you like to do 10, 20, 30 years ago?
- What did you do as a child?
- Where is there passion for movement you had years earlier?
I liked to swim when I was younger and ride my bike.
Second, which kind of movement brings me joy?
I often ask myself what kind of movement will bring me joy today?
This has led me to try many activities that I would not have normally tried like:
- Yoga
- Zumba
- Stand Up Paddle Board
- Hiking
As the years have gone by my answer to what movement brings me joy has changed.
I had been attending a gym for years and I was feeling bored there, and my intuitive voice said I need yoga. Now I have been going to a yoga studio for a few months, my joy has increased exponentially.
Third, determine what is fun to you NOW?
Ask yourself regularly, what would be a fun activity? I have been amazed how much I will step out of my movement comfort zone when I embrace what is fun. I will swing at the park, dance, and try aerial yoga (this was scary, but fun).
Honestly, having a history of food issues has led can lead you to reject exercise for many different reasons.
I encourage you to reject exercise, too.
This does not mean I am encouraging you to sit on the couch all day.
Lastly, embrace movement in a way that works for you.
For me, some days it is extra sweaty hiking, other days it is calm yin yoga.
Movement is critical to our body’s wellbeing. Disconnecting the movement from dieting is critical to enjoyment and it leads us to want to do it some more.
Be sure to get clothes and equipment that fit correctly and support you in all the right ways.
In the end, focus on engaging in joyful movement. Look at what you can do that is fun and be active. It is an opportunity to reconnect with your body in a way that is pleasing to you.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Oct 4, 2023 | Emotional Eating
It’s time to unlock a new way of being with food. Embrace a more sustainable approach to eating that empowers you to end emotional eating and rediscover peace with food.
This is your moment to make a difference in your own life. Move out of the never-ending cycle of dieting, losing weight, gaining weight, and feeling bad about yourself.
The dieting mindset is ever present in our society.
It is socially expected, even in families, to diet when we have gained weight, when we overeat, or we do not like how our bodies look.
The way out of this diet cycle is to get back in touch with your body (you knew how to eat when you were born).
We were trained by the enormous diet machine (hello $276 billion dollar diet industry) to continue to hate ourselves and how we look.
I help my clients recognize the power of diets in their lives.
We look at their history of dieting.
It is a powerful tool to explore the question- do diets really work?
One assignment I have for my clients is to write down:
- How many diets you have been on?
- How successful were you?
- How old were you when you started?
- Who encouraged you?
- Why did you start?
The answers to these questions can give you some powerful information about your experience in diet culture.
After you look at your history of dieting, the next important clue is to look at what part emotions play in your overeating.
Truthfully, much of overeating can be correlated with emotions.
Food has become a way of soothing yourself and feeling better.
The problem is food is not meant to be your ongoing tool to feel better or to self-sooth.
In general, when you overeat and emotionally eat, you start dieting. Dieting has been the only option we have been told about.
Moving from diet to diet to take care of our emotions. You might feel good at first when you are losing weight, but that does not last, AND it is not the way to manage feelings.
What you need is to learn what emotions are trying to tell you. How can you do that?
- Name the feelings.
- Embrace what the feelings are telling you.
- Utilize proven techniques to deal with your emotions.
My clients become able to recognize their feelings and name them. They see how powerful this is and it then helps them to then decide what to do (rather than overeating). The way to move through sadness can be very different than if we are angry. Learning and using your personal ways to move through feelings is critical and moves food out of the position of taking care of feelings.
One exercise you can do is to look at what feelings are leading you to overeat.
A second exercise is to make a list of what can help you when those feelings show up (and they always do).
Another critical area to look at along with diet mindset and emotional eating is what are your thoughts telling you.
Recognizing the thoughts that lead you to overeat is critical.
People allow their thoughts to go unchecked.
Learn what your thoughts are that get you off track and lead you to overeat.
Getting a handle and understanding my thoughts has been a gamechanger for me, in terms of overeating. I used to have a thought about eating and I would ruminate on food. In the end I thought I had no other choice than to overeat. The thought in my head said, “You know you are going to eat it, just do it and get it over with.”
I work with my clients to lessen their negative thoughts. Here are some questions to consider:
- What thoughts lead you to overeat?
- What do you do to lessen those thoughts?
- What can you do to pivot off those thoughts?
I know about overeating, shame, weight issues, and feeling out of control with food.
When will you take an approach that has long term success? If you don’t start now, then when? How many times have you put yourself on the back burner?
Now is the time.
- Imagine what it would be like to wake up and not wonder what you will eat for the day.
- Eating food when you are hungry and stopping when you are satisfied.
- Ending your day and not sitting on the couch and binge.
Join us for the Solution…
I want to invite you to Emotional Eating Solutions, an 8-week self-paced program that takes you through the 6 core components that help you embrace Intuitive Eating.
If you have tried diet after diet and still feel out of control with food, this is the place for you.
Get instant access to Emotional Eating Solutions now and get started on your freedom with food.
Ready to get started? Sign up now.
https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/
You are going to join at the best time, because we are starting a LIVE round of the program. This means you can go through the course at your pace AND get 8 weeks of support and coaching from me live.
https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/
Sign up now and get started with the added BONUS of the LIVE round. This is an incredible time to join the program because you will get support with food through the holidays! We start the LIVE round in October.
Sign Up NOW:
https://feedyoursoulunlimited.com/emotional-eating-solutions-self-study/
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Jan 13, 2023 | Holidays, Lifestyle, Uncategorized
It is time to end dieting as a New Year’s Resolution. I know that contradicts what you normally hear this time of year.
We have bought into the idea that we need to diet (restrict) come the first of the year. Start dieting and exercise are the top 2 resolutions AND the top 2 failed resolutions.
When we look at New Year’s resolutions, consider that there is this cultural norm, this really kind of shared idea, at least in the United States.
I have noticed every January the gym becomes packed with people starting their dieting. I also remember the diet facilities I attended would be packed with people come January 1.
Come March 1 it would be back to normal. I have read statistics that only 9% of people keep their New Year’s Resolution.
Why don’t New Year’s Resolutions work?
First, they’re based on what you think you should do. There is this socially accepted idea that at the beginning of the year you should have a resolution.
Second is they make you want what you don’t have. Focusing on what we don’t have (thinner body) and what we lack, then that’s what shows up is things that we don’t have and the things that we lack.
Third, New Year’s Resolutions are poorly worded and unattainable.
Lastly, resolutions look for an easy answer. It looks for just kind of what’s the simple thing or what’s the kind of “easy.” There is no easy way to make changes. Going on a diet is not easy and it is not long-term successful.
It is not surprising that dieting at the new year is the most common New Year’s Resolution. We overeat and indulge over the holidays and then “pay the price for it” by dieting come January 1. It is a process of feast and famine.
We were “bad” over the holidays and need to be “good” at the start of the year. This process engages us in the cycle of diet/restrict- binge/overeat- shame/feel bad about ourselves. We are setting ourselves up to eventually overeat.
A part of the problem is the diet industry itself.
The diet industry is a multibillion-dollar industry. I have read different statistics of the money they make, and it is $58 Billion and above and the money they make increases ever year.
The diet industry is a failed industry. They make money because we do not lose weight and keep it off. We have all bought into the idea that if we just found the right diet or did it correctly, we would be thin.
We think that we are not ok. We need to be “healthy” and that is only be being thinner. If we were thinner, we would be healthy, attractive, in partnership, and I could go on and on.
Over the long term 80 to 95% of diets fail whereby the person gains back the weight and then some. I and people I know have experienced exactly this.
We have learned that if we gain back the weight, which is a product of dieting (diet/binge/shame cycle) we need to find the next diet. We are told and tell ourselves it is our fault. We have taken on this shame message that we are at fault. Remember the diet industry makes money off us feeling bad and unworthy.
Here are some ideas for a different plan rather than dieting.
Listen to your body’s needs.
- What is it your body wants? Using Intuitive Eating we focus on getting back in touch with your body and what it needs.
- What is your body asking for? Is it asking for sleep? Is asking for water? Or is it time to take a walk, get some movement in? Is it time to have conversations and get some kind of camaraderie going on? Give your body what it needs.
- Listen to your body’s physical hunger. Notice what it feels like to be physically hungry and satisfied. You might not know, yet, what it feels like to be gently hungry and satisfied.
The ideas about food, dieting and New Year’s Resolutions might be new for you. Just take them in. It might be hard to consider some or try all of the ideas presented here. Take a deep breath and see which idea you might like to look at first. You are worthy of being supported in this process and allow yourself to look at your relationship to dieting.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
by KimMcLaughlin | Sep 19, 2022 | Emotional Eating
Emotional eating is complicated. The diet industry would have you think that there a simple AND QUICK answer: dieting. If dieting would have worked people would not have to continue to look for the next best diet.
I get a lot of questions about emotional eating and overeating. Here are some of the most recent questions I have gotten.
“I cannot seem to quiet my mind for mindfulness practice. What can I do?”
Does your mind keep talking and talking to you? Saying, just eat that, just a little more.
You might try to actively stop it, and that doesn’t work.
You think you can’t be mindful, and you can’t seem to quiet your mind. That has to do with the thoughts that go on in your head, you can’t seem to quiet and also how to be more mindful.
The first thing I think of when we talk about mindfulness is meditation. Many people tell me they don’t know how to meditate. They think it’s a big struggle or a big hassle to meditate or they can’t find the time to meditate. Then they do not do it at all.
Meditation is that time to quiet your mind. It doesn’t have to take hours sitting in quiet with your hands in front of you and your eyes closed chanting, which I think is many people’s idea about meditation. Truthfully, meditation is simply closing your eyes and getting quiet.
There are many ways in meditation to focus on that quiet.
First, you can just close your eyes and just focus on breathing in and out. One technique is to literally say in your head, breathe in, breathe out as you actually breathe in and out. Your mind might start wandering off and thinking about things or worrying about stuff. I’ll just remind myself, okay, Kim, let’s come back to your breath, breathe in, breathe out. Just breathing in and breathing out. Noticing the breath is a really easy way to focus on meditation, it doesn’t have to be any harder than that.
Second, I recommend meditation apps that you can put on your phone. I love them because they give me hundreds of ways to meditate. I just flip through my app and see which one fits for me at that particular time. One that I like a lot is meditation where they just have a gong sound at every so often, and I’ll put it on for however many minutes I want to sit in the quiet.
Third, as you are in the quiet of your mind there will be thoughts that show up. I like to notice them and release them. Sometimes I will go down the rabbit hole of continuing with the thought and when I notice it, I quickly come back to focusing on my breath.
In meditation, it’s really about seeing what works for you. There’s no one way to do it.
Honestly, 100% of the time I feel better after I do some type of meditation and my mind is quieter.
The second question is “I feel frustrated that I can’t eat mindfully all the time. What can I do?”
I am not able to eat mindfully all the time, too. As I practice intuitive eating, I do it more and more often. Go easier on yourself, this is not a race where you have to do this immediately.
Being mindful with my eating is a process and it is a practice. It’s actually what they talk about with meditation as a meditation practice. This is really a mindfulness practice. What do we know about practice is we have to practice that. Just like basketball players have to practice their free throw shot, they have to practice, go into free throws, practice, and practice.
I love the affirmation:
I eat mindfully, more and more every day.
This change in your approach to food is a lifelong journey, we’re really running a marathon. This is not a sprint. There is no end.
The third question is “How do I accept my body when I do not think it looks okay?”
Do you think to yourself, how can I accept my body, it doesn’t look good? My body does not look the way it’s supposed to.
How is your body supposed to look?
We have been taught by the diet industry, models, magazines, television and our families that our bodies do not look right unless we are thin.
This is an opportunity to begin to think about your body differently, and have a different sense of your, your body and its purpose.
I love the affirmation:
I AM not my body.
Your body and your size are not WHO you are. The person you are is not your body size. It could be that your body is not allowing you to do the things you would like to do. That is a different statement. This requires a realistic look at what you can do and what you would like to do. Sometimes there is a grieving that our bodies do not perform in the way we would like them to do and that is a whole different conversation.
Accepting your body as it is, is a spiritual idea. Who am I really? What’s my purpose? And what am I here to do? Those are the bigger questions.
To be more in touch with myself, I like these affirmations:
- I am not my body.
- I am not, whatever shape my body is, is not me.
- I am kind.
- I am compassionate.
- I am loving.
- I am caring.
- I love to laugh.
These affirmations are parts of me have nothing to do with my body. Those are all things that are positive about me, and they’re really who I am.
Nothing in my list has anything to do with my body size, my clothing size or the number on the scale.
I invite you to do to move out of the idea of not accepting your body and thinking there is something wrong with you and move into who you really are.
Start with the question I who am I? Take out your journal and write about this and see what comes up.
When I focus on those positives about who I really am, I feel better. I feel better about myself, and I feel better about my life. Then I come to the table differently and my intuitive eating is in alignment. Feeling good about yourself builds on itself.
The last question is, “I can’t come up with ways to take care of myself what can I do?”
It is pretty consistent that I get asked about self-care. Taking good care of yourself is often lacking.
One of the ways I like to introduce an idea of self-care is to star making a list of what you like to do. I have invited people to write down 100 things that you like to do. You might say, this is too hard to do. Let’s see how you can do this.
- You can start making a list of things that you like to do.
- They don’t have to be expensive or cost anything.
- What did you used to do for fun?
- What have you dreamed of doing?
- What brings you joy?
It might feel challenging to do make your self-car list. To give you some ideas here are some of my self-care go-to’s.
- I like to journal. I would love to journal more often.
- I love to meditate. And it makes me feel good.
- I like to be creative. I like to make things.
- I like to go to the gym, and I’m at a gym that really fits for me.
- I love going to the ocean.
- I love listening to musicals.
- I love going to the library.
Having my list of self-care is part of my overall wellness plan for myself. If you do not have a list, just start with one idea, because that will bring on other ideas. Write them down.
My other suggestion is to listen to what others do for fun and self-care. If you feel jealous about what they are doing, it probably means it needs to go on your list.
In conclusion, ending emotional eating has very little to do with food. We have become disconnected to our inner knowing about what we need. The inner knowing is how we start connecting to food as nourishment, our emotions, our thoughts and all the other components that make us ultimately experience overall wellness.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration.
You can find Kim on her podcast Feed Your Soul with Kim and you can find it on all podcast platforms.
Wondering if you are an emotional eater? Sign up for the free Am I an Emotional Eater Quiz.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a Psychotherapist, Speaker, Author, and Coach who specializes in working with people who suffer from binge eating and emotional eating. She is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. She is the author of the best-selling book Feed Your Soul Nourish Your Life! A Six Step System to Peace with Food and the Amazon #1 Best Selling book Discovery Your Inspiration. 
